The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone, my name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of Al-Anon.
Today, I found myself playing the victim and feeling sorry for myself, something that I acquired growing up in an alcoholic home. My alcoholic father got laid off from his jobs several times when I was a kid. He was never able to stick with any one company. Some of them caused by his drinking, some of them circumstances out of his control. However, he was never the one they kept.
Today, something happened at my place of employment. The company I work for hired 3 waves of workers as contract employees. The rule for this company is that after 3 years of service they change your status to full-time. The first wave's 3 years were up in January and the decision to hire them full-time has been defered to June, with a decision coming then.
Obviously with the economy the way it is, things changing as quickly as they are, my thought process went straight to a doom and gloom scenario and I began to react as though my demise with the company had already happened. I began to feel sorry for myself and think 'why me? Why am I not allowed a stable happy successful life? Now I will have to re-start. I will have to job hunt again, move back in with the alcoholic or risk draining all my savings, maybe move to a new city, find all new al-anon groups, bahh!' It was so overwhelming emotionally that I came home had a nap and cried.
That was the best thing I could have done. It's funny because so many good things are happening. I recently got a nice pay bonus, great review, friends and I are planning small road trips, and I have a great fellowship. They say that in a few years with the baby boom generation retiring they won't have enough manpower to fill the open positions!
But why do I feel like it only happens to my family? I am tired of coming from a family of losers. I am not a loser. I love my father but don't want to end up with a similar track record as him. I don't want to do that to my family.
Now that I think about it, I know 2 alcoholics who've been through similar experiences and they always seemed to bounce back. one being my dad. he's currently making the most money he's ever made.
How come we didn't get invited to that party Jim?....Bwaaah he doesn't like me he'll never give me a chance to drama. LOL You reminded me of the early time in the program where my sponsor told me "don't react" "don't project" and "stop fortune telling cause you can't get good vibes from looking into a bowling ball". Doom and Gloom...I did that this morning without having all of the information about the event. I'm grateful that is wasn't like early program when I had no room or grace or mercy to suggest that I was wrong and things just weren't all that bad. I'll lend you some more of my slogans if you like the "don't react" one and "don't project" ones. You're okay man glad I wasn't there to make it worse. (((hugs)))
When you grow up without much emotional support and nurturing, you wind up looking for outside validation more frequently. Needing to be told "good job" "no you are not messing up" and getting raises and outward evidence of doing well is a pull.
Trust your HP. Insecurities and fear are best replaced with faith.
