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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> The truck ..
Post Info TOPIC: The truck ..
Pushka


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The truck ..
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Ok .. I'm sure there are a few out there that are sick of me talking about this dang truck .. LOL!  Burn baby burn, Pink they are playing our song. biggrin

Things with the STBAX are coming to a head and I've had a lot of learning curves.  I don't know how to be anything other than combative with someone who has hurt me so deeply.  This is across the board.  I'm a prickly porcupine when it comes to this kind of thing.  Don't hurt me or I will get you first kind of thoughts run through my head.  I'm learning .. it's hard for me to be "soft" with someone I associate so much emotional, mental and financial abuse.  I unfortunately feel that way with a lot of men in my life.  Ask me for my opinion (sometimes I'm not even asked and I give it .. lol) and I tend to say what I think, again learning curve just because I think it I don't need to say it.  With him it's been very difficult over the past few months to be civil and keep my mouth shut over things that I see him do.  They are no different than what any other addict does.  It's hard not to call him out.  I will if I it is a boundary for me, either regarding myself or the kids.  I'm getting better .. I find no response is usually best. 

He's definately drinking, (ok .. I hear a big DUH going across the board .. lol .. yes I know he's an alcoholic it's what they do to numb the pain, shame and guilt).  Back to the truck, apparently it has bit the dust.  Now it's a shame it wasn't in the firey inferno I dreamed of, it went out in a much less dramatic ending .. darn it. evileye  Maybe next time, .. lol .. so I have to let that particular dark fantasy go for the moment.  Sigh .. my waiting to exhale moment won't happen.  Apparently running my a$$ over with the truck isn't happening either .. it has to run first.  confuse  I'm ok he can't do that .. lol. 

The recent texts I have been getting are just down right crazy.  Apparently it's my fault we are not divorced yet .. never mind that he hasn't complied with the latest court order.  Continues to refuse to, it's just crazy which is where he's at.  I have been working on my stuff plus in the long run I've actually helped him and he doesn't even know it.  Ohhhh boy .. there are a LOT of things he doesn't know and it's not my place to tell him.  I have encouraged him to talk to his atty.  I have already given him the necessary information and he continues not to believe me.  So what more can I do?  Nothing.  This situation is on him.  Again for a guy who wants to get divorced his actions and his words are extremely conflicted, this is not about him wanting me back .. in his mind he has convienced himself I want him.  That in itself is extremely scary to me.  He's still threatening, this time I'm just shutting down communication when that happens.  I have also started attending meetings at the local domestic violence shelter.  I know it's weird, he's thankfully not gotten physically violent, he has made the children feel uncomfortable during our interactions, they fear for me, he has emotionally, mentally and financially abused us all.  He's still trying to manipulate.  The thing is and what he doesn't get I'm in a different place all of a sudden .. I took slide backwards and now my feet found their balance again, I'm moving forward.  Out of 3 texts he went from I'll do whatever it takes to get the divorce to he'll go down with the ship just to get me off his back.  Begging me to let him go then demanding my atty sends and offer.  We can't do anything until he does his part and I don't think he can.   

He's missing visitation again.  Outside of the truck not running, I offered to bring the kids over for a day visit on Saturday.  He said no, he can't he has to find a car.  Well, good luck with that from the guy who has NO money.  That is the world according to him and I believe him.  Friday night my daughter has a dance and then Saturday she has tennis again.  I explained they had things they were doing.  Obviously and I didn't say this .. no transportation .. how's he taking them?  They do not want to go over there over night.  So it's actually going to be since 2/3 that he's seen the children.  Not one text, not one phone call, nothing during this time.  I can't imagine.  They are not upset as far as I can tell.  They both talked about our weekend together and everytime I say ok .. it's time with dad they give a groan and say do we have to?  He's not going to see them until 2/21 if he has a car at that point.  I have no idea how he's going to make that happen?  It's not my business.  No driver's license and no insurance, he's not buying one from a dealership.  He has no money.  Now driving my children around is a different story.  This in my mind is no different than drinking and driving he's an accident waiting to happen .. OHHH .. that's the other thing .. thank you GOD .. my name will not be on the car!!  WOOT WOOT!!!!

Obviously the tax money is needed at this point.  Again, I offered what we need to file and he's refusing to cooperate.  The sad part is because it's a holiday weekend .. my atty and secretary is off until next week.  Sooooo .. he didn't get it done today so that means he's going to be waiting longer on the money.  Again .. texts blaming me for this happening .. again .. I let him know in a nice way, that whole say what you mean and don't say it mean and I'm really working on it.  If I don't feel comfortable responding I don't and I sleep on it before responding.  It does affect me because I do need the money .. not as bad as he does right now.  If he has filed taxes without me .. WOW is all I can say .. I REALLY feel badly for him. 

I'm working only engaging when I have to, engaging in an appropriate way, saying what I mean meaning what I say and not saying it mean.  I have some concerning texts at this point and I will just sit back and wait.  He is so sick.  I don't feel compassion for him exactly .. I do feel pity.  What can I say God has a way of working things out.  I was very worried about my name being on the truck and by default it can't go anywhere.  I didn't want the kids going for visitation, .. they didn't want to go,  and the truck did me a huge favor by breaking down because it was another conversation I didn't have to have with him.  This is the first pay period where the garnishment for child support and maintenance has come out, so he's really twisting and turning, another reason I didn't want the kids over there .. he vetts his anger not on them directly .. it comes out in the silent treatment.  Financially .. this is sooo not even close to being over and he knows how in debt we are however I doubt he will do what is necessary to get rid of the bills we need to get rid of, soooo .. I don't know what to do there and he's not helping to say the least. 

I don't think I shared that his hooker's husband .. I feel very sorry for him has retained the STBAX's atty .. can this story just NOT get any weirder .. I really am blown away by how small this town is .. LOL .. all I can think is I gotta move big time.  The book .. the book is coming because no one would know what is fact and what was fiction .. the whole story is stranger than truth.

biggrin  Hugs P :) 



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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
rehprof


~*Service Worker*~

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It's just crazy...all of it.

But we don't have to dive into the abyss...we can communicate as best we can with this natural disaster called alcoholism..

Your name won't be on the car...PROGRESS. 

all best, 

RP



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Debilyn


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I had to giggle when I first read "the truck." lol you nut. it really is not The truck its what it represents right? lol

You have such a fun way of writing and I am always smiling thru it.

I think it is saying, OK someone is Bozo on this boat and is it me????

glad you don't force the kids to go to see him. I am sure they are comfortable they do not have to.

just had to send you a hug, love,debilyn



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"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3870
Date:
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LOL .. thanks you two, yes it is what the truck represents. I actually figured this out just because I was curious to how long he had the truck.

So mid August he purchased the truck drove it for 2 weeks, got a DUI Memorial Day weekend, 2010, Sunday to be exact at 930pm. We had been home from our short trip away for less than 48 hours. Which we had a great time or at least the kids and I did .. he sulked the whole time. Missed out on a great deal of fun we had, .. it was sad. For 6 weeks he drove the truck and then it sat for a year. He got his license back Aug 2011. HOWEVER he really didn't get his license back I found out because his fines weren't paid. I didn't know this at the time. The truck has been driven from Aug 2011 to Feb 2013. All in all he drove that truck for literally a year and 5 months although he's owned for two years and 5 months. It's a hunk of junk to say the least, .. I mean 2500$ for his magic racing truck is all I heard. OMGosh .. we would be sitting at a light and he'd look at another truck and say .. my truck is nicer than that one .. LOL LOL LOL. Nooooo it wasn't .. it was a whiskey truck, rust, doors not working, seat belts not working and Omgosh I get in the truck and literally something would fall off of it .. LOL!

The truck represents to me a horrible period in my life. It's when he was chopping wood at 3am, I was driving him to and from work, I was at the height of my own craziness it was awful. When SBTAX was taking pills, drinking, totally being crazy and crazy making. I had no coping skills at that point. I transferred everything negative that was going on to the truck. That was probably a good thing ... I was so angry during that time I couldn't see straight. It was just so sad to watch my marriage fall apart and feel helpless. It was easier to hate the truck. I actually feel sorry for the truck now .. LOL. I know, why can I have compassion for a hunk of tin and not for the alcoholic in my life?? I also knew as long as that truck sat each day and I didn't burn it down that I was doing ok. I live in the country I am straight up about burning it and having the fire department show up and saying I don't know what happens it just spontaneously combusted .. lol. Because I didn't act on that thought, I was healing. I had also started Alanon during this time.

LOL .. please tell me I don't have to make amends to the truck?!!

What to do about the kids ... I don't know .. it makes me sad for them and for him. These beautiful babies, they are growing up so fast and now .. hmm .. I don't know. He's living with his alcoholic mother. He's obviously drinking and going crazy some more. I just don't say anything at this point.

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
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