Anxiety of Indecision - Al-Anon Family Group

marycontrary · Member

Anxiety of Indecision

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

Do you have a meeting and/or a sponsor? Those are great resources in figuring out how to make your way forward.

I would point out, just from my own perspective, that everyone's situation was different, and that your father chose to stay with a schizophrenic doesn't mean that anyone needs to stay with an alcoholic if the situation is intolerable. What is best will differ in every situation. Please take good care of yourself as well as of those other people who (genuinely) need your help.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Mary and thanks for the share on commitment. I've looked at shares like yours thru the filter of "Helping or Enabling) which I learned in the program. I did much the same as you are doing here with much the same thoughts and feelings when the alcoholics and addicts in my life were living their lives without consideration for who I was and what I mean't to the family. It is a selfish disease and incurable and I had no control over when it raised its ugly head, what it did after and how the whole thing came out for them and for me. I did come to realize that how it came out for me could not have been what my creator intended and I did have to own my part in the consequence which in part were the consequences of not trusting my Higher Power, the programs of recovery and continuing within situations I had no control over which often were life threatening to me. Anxiety was an ongoing, emotional characteristic for me...born within fear. I only thought that I was stuck until I got into the program and sat at the knees of those elders who were willing to share with me what they had learned, how it turned out and what their lives were like then. "I want that"!! I wailed and in order to get it I had to take my life one day at a time and continue to come back into the program. I was anxsious because enabling was the norm for me, the natural habit; I never ever thought about changing anything until I read the Serenity Prayer in my home group. "The courage to change...the things I can" and that was changing me, my problem in my problem". Where I was proud of being a helper in character I learned that with alcoholism helping became enabling and I had to change that...turn it upside down and look at it in an entirely different way the elders of the program and my sponsor and the meetings and literature were offering. I became able to answer Mattie's question with a yes and my life changed...the parts that needed it.

In support...Thanks...Keep coming back (((((hugs))))). smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

When you are truly ready you will know. Even then it is sooo very hard. My dear friend left and filed. Through time he sent me emails to return to him if he ever started to change his mind and go back. I also have a very good memory about important things. So I send the things he has shared with me to remind him too.

Emotions, vows, and more can cloud what is best for us. Journaling can save our lives. We can bring up how we feel and make decisions with information we need.

You are a very intelligent person, who is wisely on a path. I hope this helps you in some way. sending you hope and love,debilyn

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

marycontrary wrote:
I have a lot of that going on in my psychic make up. I am happy most of the time and completely unpeturbed by my husbands behavior. I refuse to engage him if he's drunk if it's possible but lately he isn't letting up on me and I just feel like walking away, let him go crazy, possibly die, or likey go to jail.
I am here because this feeling is the one that scares me the most and I am very uncertain about it.
Thank you for letting me vent and for being there.
Mary C

Dear Mary,

I could so identify with your entire posting but choose the last few lines because they simply jumped off the page at me. I too thought that I could handle everything, ignore hubby and his insanity , take care of it all and still stay in the marriage .

Then slowly but oh so surely that pain that you described above started within me. I tried to ignore it--, it got stronger, I denied it---- it became more painful and finally one day my inner voice said, "if you do not leave regardless of how you think you can handle this you will end up killing him and all will be lost"

That was when I knew I had to walk out that door and try to rebuild my life without him. I was more terrified of staying then leaving.

I will not go into more details but will say that was the action I needed to begin the change that HP had intended. Hubby entered rehab, stopped drinking entered AA and we reunited. I have always felt that pain was my HP's gentle and not so gentle push to take action

Take what you like and leave the rest.

marycontrary · Member

Thank you so much, for your encouraging, insightful, supportive responses. I am preparing an exit package, a plan of a sort. If I do this I want to protect myself from the painful second guessing and guilt and be sure that the course is correct more than wrong.

I feel more anxiety at the thought of leaving than not and it gets so severe that Its hard to function normal. I am told by my sister that It is fear of the unknown and in time I will feel better.

Thank you
mary c

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