The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't been on here in quite some time and I am glad I chose tonight to read some stories. I am going through some very hard issues right now. I am scared I feel lonely. I have even thought deep dark thoughts that creep up unexpectidly. I miss my friend Rodney now more than ever. He was the one I turned to and was always there to lift me. So the other day I was asking for guidance and I said Rodney if your in the room pick a page a speak it to me. And if the page I didn't pick wasn't us then I don't know what was. Funny this is I kept on reading and realized he was there in every page. I miss him everyday but I take things one day at a time. This weekend has proved to be the roughest weekend and put me to the test with my marriage. I feel like Im being pulled a 100 different directions. I know what al anon has taught me but its seems to have gone out the window.
I know that dark place very well. I've come to learn that it is more bearable knowing that the dawn always breaks at some point. I've come to learn that I have choices even when the blackest sensations are pressing in on me, threatening my entire existance, as though any good in me and my life is not, ever was or will be actually good. It is a choice to say to the blackness, "you are not real and you have no power over me because I am the flame of hope, faith, and love which lasts" Any little flame is greater than the dark and our choice is to turn to it and know the dawn is coming soon.
I find that the higher power of my understanding, which I ironically call the great providencial mystery always comes through in the end. Something opens up. Someone shows up. Something comes along to aid and restore you and I find that I expect and anticipate the restorative means with great feeling and gratitude even before it comes.
And with the beginning of each day we have a choice. We have to take a first step but we can choose to begin on the right foot. When the sun comes up, we can choose to use the sunshine and benefit from it, appreaciate it and augment it.
Its always darkest before dawn.....like others have said I usually find that when I feel that the programme doesnt work, and i doubt everything I've learnt, lose faith in me, my HP that I move a little bit more forward in my recovery. ((hugs)).
Please be kind to yourself...this too shall pass
Simone x
-- Edited by Zimmy on Tuesday 12th of February 2013 03:36:03 PM
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
Glad your search for serenity brought you back to us. I'm sorry you're struggling and are missing your dear friend. It's only been months since I lost my mother and the feelings of grief are so overwhelming at times. I have no doubt that there are going to many many more times on this journey that I will miss being able to reach out to her. For me at least, this has been a time of trying to work the spiritual part of my program particularly step 2 and trying to nurture myself and allowing others to continue to be there for me. I hope you feel a little better soon but still decide to keep coming back for recovery with us. Thanks for sharing what's on your heart. Hugs TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Welcome back :) Hugs :) Sending love and support, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
We are glad to have you back, and your "family" here is a great place to return to....
Rodney had (and still has) a lot of good influence on us all, and he would be proud of you for coming back, and leaning on your trusted friends here....
When we have incredibly tough times (like you are going through), the concept of "One Day at a Time" (or one hour, or one minute, etc) is a wonderful tool.... it keeps that "mountain" of issues within a workable level...
Keep coming back
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Aloha Mel and welcome back into the MIP room. As I remember it was Rod who suggested you into us in the first place and its nice to know that is still working. I'm sure he told you that the disease is a progressive one...without a recovery program it gets worse and worse. The opposite is also true that with the presence of and the working of a program of recovery life gets progressively better. I always looked forward to his posts and to the phone calls because the kind, loving, caring and supportive person was always there...is always here. Let us know how we can help. ((((hugs))))
