The material presented
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Im quite new to all of this so please forgive me if I rant a bit. First off I did make the step of going to my first meeting last Friday it felt strange but I was made to feel welcome.It was strange in that I was talking to complete strangers about how my AW problem was affecting me.I do want to go back this week but life might get in the way.We have two kids a 10 & 4 year old boys. They are beginning to pick up on her mood swings but I try to prevent that where I can.I just want to scream at her but I cant. Things are not good between us we are just like lodgers and not like a married couple.Tonight she started shouting at me in front of the kids saying what ever she does will never be good enough for me. I just wanted to pull her two hidden bottles out of the fridge salad drawer and get her spares from the back of her wardrobe,slam them on the counter and say thats whats wrong!!! It just makes me so mad,sad ..........
Aloha Gorby and welcome also to the MIP board. You're in family now with cyber members of the Al-Anon Family Groups mostly. I get your rant and what you'd like to do is only one alternative response. Keep going to meetings and start practicing the program and you'll learn tons of other alternative way of doing things while living with an alcoholic rather than the reaction. I of course just reacted before I got into the program and truthfully a time or two it almost cost her and I also our lives. I was beyond insane as a result of this disease until I reached the doors of Al-Anon. They also asked me to keep coming back and the gratitude I feel for the program would overflow a large stadium. MIP is also a very valueable tool for me to maintain my recovery. I'm glad you are hear and I hope to hear more from you in the future.
Also...keep attending Al-Anon and your perceptions and responses will change and they will become more valueable for your two sons as they watch and listen to the "new" dad in the house. Keep coming back.
Welcome Gorby, This is a great place to learn and find out about alternative ways of coping. Sadly I have only been to a very few alanon meetings but I know that warm welcome. The sense of recognition I felt also helped me enormously.
I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. Seeing how alcohol affects those that we love, including ourselves and our children is so very sad I think.
I know now that in my own marriage there was nothing that I could possibly say about drink to my husband that would have any effect on his choosing not to drink. I imagine that all he heard was a reminder of what a prat he was being It took me quite a long time to get to that point and I shouted and fought more than I care to remember.
Finally I got fed up with myself and I gave up arguing. I accepted that he drank, and in effect I left it up to him to make his own choices about what he did. The surprise was that he actually chose to drink less (with a few tantrums and set backs along the way!)
Take care of yourself. You'll find some remarkably helpful and supportive people here - and perhaps if you found the alanon meeting helpful it is worth investing in again, especially for you and your lovely boys.
Welcome to the group. I am fairly new myself, having been going to face to face meetings for a few months now, and reading this board often. I completely understand how you feel, especially about being lodgers, and not a married couple. Oh boy, do I get that. What I have found through Al-Anon is an amazing sense of peace and power. Power over myself and my reactions to the insanity that is alcoholism. For the first time in my life I am looking at situations calmly, without shouting, and without saying or doing things that made me feel guilty later. Not every time, but I'm doing so much better than I was just a few months ago.
I agree with what others have said about accepting the situation, leaving the choices up to the alcoholic. In my case the drinking hasn't lessened, but the insanity, the yelling, the hurt feelings, all of that, has lessened. And for me, that is miraculous. I believe if you use the tools of Al-anon, you can find peace too, for you and your boys.
Welcome to MIP! And to Alanon. Many share your story and frustrations. They tell us to try six meetings before we make a decision as to whether Alanon is for us. If you can't make a meeting find some of the literature and come back to the MIP board. Sometimes we end up sicker than the alcoholics. Keep coming back.
So glad that you got to a meeting, in time you will feel more and more comfortable these people understand as few other can they will not judge you or tell you what to do.
I hope life doesnt get in the way.
I prioritise my meetings without them I get crazy!!!
I believe the best thing I have ever done for my kids was going to al anon. I have changed so much we laugh again today.
I am a newbie to this as well. I find the meetings the most support I had thorough dealing with my A. I don't feel alone with these issues and can rant and rave, vent and cry. I look forward to them and go to several different ones a week now. At my first meeting I recieved a phone list in case I needed to talk, Keep going, hang in there!
I'm new here too and just the couple of times I've been on it's helped so much.People are wonderful.I sat in on a chat too and the people are wonderful.My husband is an alcoholic.I've dumped his beer out and he only gets more.I've stopped fighting him and started thinking of myself.My kids are older but when they were little I always thought what he did wasn't setting a good example.Thank goodness they didn't follow in his footsteps.They see what he's done to himself and have gone in the opposite directions.I hope your kids do the same.Please come back to this board.If anything to vent.We all understand.
First off sorry for not replying to all your kind messages sooner.Well I've managed to get to about 8 meetings now and I have to say that it is helping me.Just been able to to talk (and listen) to people who know but dont judge you is great.I know that if I hadnt of made the first step to go to a meeting things would have got very messy at home.But I have gained more control over my feelings and I try not to rip myself apart trying to think of ways to help ,stop or solve my AW's problem.I do find it hard still as I do love my AW and we just kind of co exsist now.I try to keep it all on the level for my boys but ther are still moments and probaly always will be .I havent had the you have a problem talk with my AW yet or should I ever? I have thrown it in her face so to speak in the heat of the moment but I dont think she remembers and if she did she says nothing.I havent told my AW where I go on Fridays (I lie) but what esle can I do ? So once again thanks for listening and I wish you all well .
It took me quite a long time to get to that point and I shouted and fought more than I care to remember. 
.I havent had the you have a problem talk with my AW yet or should I ever? I have thrown it in her face so to speak in the heat of the moment but I dont think she remembers and if she did she says nothing.I havent told my AW where I go on Fridays (I lie) but what esle can I do ? So once again thanks for listening and I wish you all well .