Hey all,

i thought I would come here and share my care program, that I have tailored around my own Self. 

I first felt quite unusual you know, I am VERY good at caring for others, yet when I turned that around and started nurturuing myself, it felt odd: a little bit of guilt, that feeling to be selfish... but I continued, and then I started thinking that in this specific case, 'selfish' was more of a compliment that I was on the right track, since I also tend to exagerate the emotions when it come to myself. I am too hard, i am too expecting, I am not good enough (at all)....well you know, the characteristics of a codependent (moving between extremes, of very high , very low, and the procrastination and beating myself up for not so many reasons, drowining in self-pity, self-sabotage..etc etc etc.)

After I had set up my new healthy boundaries, I felt quite happy iwth myself for the first time, it felt like I was building stronger my own identity. I could relate to that new ME all of a sudden. Then I moved on and thought, given these new boundaries and new space I had for myself: ok, What do I NEED now, to be able to feel good all with myself.

I identified some PRIORITY NEEDS of mine, which are (and here I have learned that I had to move and grow out of my inner child, because the needs I have as an adult are NOT the same that my inner child is clamining, because those are the ones of the past, the ones that had been neglected for some reason, that I was craving today. those needs I just had to identify, feel and acknowledge as a part of me, I had to learn how to forgive also, but those needs are not defining who I am today, since today I am in charge. I am not exposed that much to others, as I was as a child. Adults can CHANGE! That was a huge lesson and a relief)

1. my need to grow: Al Anon is the place i can come and listen and share and learn different perspectives. I read my books, I basically study about the disfunction of codependency. I practice meditation. I write. I travel. I listen. I learn to re-open my heart
2. my need for peace: I give myself quiet moments, I meditate, I do yoga for another, new breathing, I avoid chaotic places and people for the time being. I don't engage in hectic or critical talk as much, trying to stop myself from being judgemental.
3. my need for honesty: I am loyal to my friends and family, I write or call a good friend and share and ask what is going on in their lifes. I try to be sincere with myself, therefore I write, keep journaling, making agreements with myself
4. my need to balance: I am trying to keep the balance between healthy social life ( i accept invitation more, coming out of isolation), i enjoy nature more ( I go for walks and spend time in the open air), I enjoy alone time, i care for good food (take more time in cooking, and plan to know new recipies). When the feelings of anxiety and uncertainty come back, I also give them time, read , feel, think it over, and take a rest.
5. the need to love and be loved: I start with my own, balancing helathy body-healthy mind, then I experience a lot of love, and then I feel like going out and sharing that feeling with other people in my life. and i smile a lot. Sharing and taking time (quality time) are the keys here for me.

There are other needs, but I try to focus on these 5 for the moment. I think once one need is nurtured  a lot i can also start focus on the next one.

i'm not perfect and that is OK. But I like being with myself now. I feel like growing, and I'm even thankful for that crisis, it reminded me that there was some self-worth left, that i didn't know about.

Gratitude in all.

enjoy your day.