Hello Al-Anon Family :) Sorry its been So Long! I've had my Share of Tragity Mixed with some Magical Moments, which seems to be the story of my life here of late, but Still taking it Day by Day... Moment by Moment... And at times Second by second!

I was sitting here in my Pity Pot Yesterday & For what ever Reason I Felt the Need to Cuss My Deceased Afather... (I have his Pic Next to my Bedside) and I had to go get something from my room and just started going ape Sh$t on him, telling him I Miss Him, & Wish he would be more Present in my Life instead of my always Searching for his love like I had to do when he was here!

Welp.... Then the Grace of God Showed up, and Slapped me back in my Seat :) Within an Hour, a Song that Very Seldom is Played on the Radio in these Parts that my Afather LOVED Starts playin... At 1st it didn't hit me right away for I sing to Everything under the Sun, and half way thru it Hit me like a Brick & the Tears began without an Off Button... & I Thanked him for Showing up! Moments Later my Mom showed up and thought I was Die'n...lol... She is Quite Dramatic when she sees me Cry! I Explained Dad Came for a Visit & then she Cried with me! lol :)

In this Disease I Find Myself ALWAYS trying to Find New & Better ways to Love my Alcoholics without Lossing myself, but it never dawned on my that I would Miss my Alcoholics the Way I do! There are So Many! I Lost an Al-Anon Girlfriend this time of year to cancer, plus my Mom in law, and ... I Guess after 4yrs of Missing Dad I'm just still Missing him ALOT... He was my Go to Guy when I had Boyfriend issues, husband issues, or just needed to Hear... I LOVE YOU! I miss that More then I Thought Possible...

This Past Week, I Lost My Kitty of 19-1/2 yrs... When i 1st got her she was not a People Person, and didn't like no one but me! And My Dad... Who Swore he didn't like Cats, but she melted his heart within moments, and he Hers... My Office feels so Lonely without her, I am always looking behind my chair to make sure I don't roll over her,(She couldn't Hear the last 4yrs) and I Always leave the Door Cracked so she can get from the office to the garage.. I Guess Old habits are hard to break even when I know she is Gone! Thank Goodness I am Blessed with a Great Husband & Son...They Gave her a Wonderful Send off, even tho they had to dig thru Frozen Ground to do so... They Built her a box out of wood & all.. They Really Looked after her & my Feelings & I'm so Grateful... I sat & just Cried but she went out in her sleep so that was comforting to me.. Its hard to believe she has been with me, HALF of my Life!

Some People don't get what it means to have a Pet that loves you Unconditionally and that Saddens me... Yes she was Just a Cat, but she has seen me thru Boyfriends, Breakups, Marriage, baby's, Loss, Drunkenness, Soberness, and so Many things... Guess I Just Miss her... And Pray she is sitting on Daddy-0's Lap Purring away...

For the Most Part, Life is Still happening at every turn, I have Made time to Spend time with the ones I love New & Old Friends & Family, wether via dinner dates, or going to see my Grandson Wrestle or my Granddaughter Cheer (Cause you don't get those Moments back) or just having them over an evenning because I can! Most No Me well enough to know Winter is NOT my Season! I find Depression slips under the radar quite rapidly this time of Year, and Maurning the Loss of my Loved ones seems to hit harder this time of year as well...

I have Taking to Some new Taught past times which has been a blessing... I have begun Crocheting (Which I could never find anyone to teach me cause I'm Left handed) So... I decided to Teach myself... and so far I can make Butterflys..lol... Dishclothes, and Baby Blankets, So i'm a Little Excited about it ;) My Son's Indoor Soccer team I Coach is about to kickoff there 2nd session this weekend, & I Couldn't be happier that they Keep me on as Coach... They are Such a Great Group of 15-16yr old boys! They are My Weekend Blessings... :) They Keep Me Smiling So I'm Excited to Kick off this Next Session...

Still with only being 2yrs Sober, I Find myself at times Very Much Still within this Disease, I'm not sure if that will ever Pass, but I do My Best to Find the "Good" in my Day, regardless of How long I must Search, and it seems to be helping me thru! I'm still making my F2F Meetings couple times a Week, n have an amazing Support & Love for my F2F Family! They have truly Opened my Eyes to what I have been Missing all these Years, and have Helped me Realize that the only one that Can Make My Life Better is ME! They have taught me how to Stop being the Door Mat, and Start Being the Leader the of my own desitany instead of waiting for someone to direct it.. And thanks to them & all of you, my Marriage, My Parenting, My Relationships have all improved...

They taught me Not to Always Have Myself Overly Ready to take on someone elses Stuff! I am a Better Listener, then Talker Now and that has been not only a Blessing for my Family & Friends, but to me for not Stirring the Kettle and making thier issues My Issues... This stuff all sounds pretty common Sense, However... To Someone Raised in My Alcoholic Home, This is an Everyday Practice of Life, and when I Stop Practicing My LIfe is a Reflection of Why that is not a good idea... And Thank Goodness the Tools of this Program have Helped me Tramendously I Can catch myself even if in mid Stream... I still Catch myself... What a Blessing..

So there is my Update :) I Do Miss you all and hope to catch up soon... This Weekend My Boy has a "Snowball" Dance & I'm Excited to meet this Little Lady & Her Family, and Looking forward to a Great Weekend of Firsts...And I'm Excited that My Son Is Turing into Such a Young Man, "Im not Ready" lol However, Thanking God above for every moment I can share in his life!  My HP has Showed me the Blessing in my Glass Half Full Attitude, and I'm Running with it... :)

Thanks for Being here... Thanks for Being who you are! ... & Thanks for Sharing this Journey to Self Care, Self Love, & Self Understanding... Because before I Never Made the List, NOW... I'm at the Top, & you all put me there :)

Love & Prayers to all

Jozie