The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I found the courage at face to face meetings, while working the Steps with my sponsor and living one day at a time trusting HP.
It is a process and before I knew it I was being filled with serenity, courage and wisdom. Alanon suggests that we make no major changes in our lives for the first 6 months in program.
Give yourself the gift of time and be gentle with yourself . Trust the process
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 3rd of February 2013 10:11:41 PM
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 4th of February 2013 09:05:26 AM
This program is tricky because you never know for sure if you are accepting things you can't change or if you need to have courage and move on. The wisdom to know the difference will creep up on you and then sock you in the face.
The statement above was posted in another post. However, it hit me right between the eyes because I do in my heart of hearts it is time to let my relationship with the A go...Yet the COURAGE to actually accept that and change my horrible pattern is paralyizing. Small wonder I was the only kid that "got" the lion in the wizard of oz... I could have cared less about the sparkly shoes or that little dog. OH NO it was the lion i loved. Now how to find the courage?
It was gut wrenching for me. One of those drama filled memories that is stuck in my mind in slow motion. Literally me calling my 1 friend that I had left, asking to stay with her and taking 2 grocery bags of stuff and leaving while ex-A was doing the whole "If you walk out that door, don't come back...." Then he realized I was going to walk out the door and he went onto the patio and started screaming "I can't watch you just leave..." Ugh. Drama. This would not be such a major thing if we hadn't been together 7 years and moved across the country together away from our families.
It wasn't courage either persay that got me out the door. It was being totally miserable and a moment of pretty much believing I was gonna die if I stayed in that lifestyle - the whole thing. I didn't know what was ahead, but anything seemed better. It was surrender....God's grace....whatever. If it was courage, it wasn't me that mustered it up on my own cuz I'd been putting up with the BS for 7 years.
Let the program of AlAnon wash over you. You will not learn it, you will absorb it. It is common sense and logical, but when we are in the thick of things we are not logical or full of common sense. Give it time. And don't do anything you don't THINK about first. When it is time for you to do something you will be very clear about it. No one will be able to say anything to talk you out of it. Be patient. Be gentle with yourself. Staying or leaving, on itself, is not courage. It is all the steps of the decision that are couragious. We have 3 A's in AlAnon.... they are Awareness (you are getting this), Acceptance (it will come with and without anger), and then Action.
