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Well it has been a week to say the least. I have been flat on my back sick and that hasn't helped things. I felt like a mack truck hit me rolled backwards and hit me again. This is def a HALTS issues going on.
Frustrated doesn't cover it. For the first time my STBAX has threatened me with physical harm. He actually text it. So I am trying to kind of figure out should I report this to the police. He has the kids this weekend and there is a LOT more to this story than obviously I have shared. I am concerned for my children. He is a piece of work to say the least.
I will have to say today is the first time in a LONG time that I really called him out on a few things .. well more than a few things. First being his mother was highly unaware that he had paid NOTHING since Dec 28th, I don't count 200$ as something considering he went the entire month of January and didn't pay a dime. I have paid and actually I am pretty proud of myself .. I finished paying for my daughter's trip to Washington DC for April so that is down. I have managed to keep the kids in their school. I have managed to continue to pay for child care even though he's not paying a dang thing towards it. I have a LOT on my plate is putting it mildly. I've done it and the kids know how hard I've worked to make sure that they continue to get to do the things they want to do.
He got called out when he tried to tell my daughter he's broke and he's already got a garnishment and how what he owes me is not considered a garnishment .. no it's not .. although YES it is technically. I let him know color it whatever he needs to color it .. his check has been impounded (how's that for a word?) and it will be garnished as soon as possible. I don't think he gets that is coming. There is no record that I can find that there is a hospital garnishment and he has assumed responsibility for those bills that are in HIS name. My garnishment will go first even though it's been filed second.
Here I am minding my own business and my phone starts ringing .. it's the local video store asking for HIM! WTH is that about? I start laughing and literally tell him how to reach him and if they are looking to collect money good luck with that because they need to get behind myself and the hospital bills. I know probably not program however ask me if I care .. after endless promises to my daughter and so on. I'm no longer covering for him. I explain that he lives with his mother because he is not responsible enough to live on his own. Anyone who would extend credit to him does so at their own peril and it's probably better than they don't call me again.
I go home and get my mail and son of a gun ... 2 tickets from 2011 that he has not paid on that MY name is on. So I did send him a quick text that basically said please pay your bills or I will come take the truck. ROFL .. this is the response I got .. screw you, don't text me again. So I thought really? I told him pay your bills and you won't hear from me. Well, his response was if I come for his truck he's going to run me over!! OMGOSH .. what the heck .. I get bills in MY name for HIS truck and REALLY?! So needless to say I will be turning these bills over to my atty AND I will be calling the credit company that is local and explaining they will NOT be getting one thin dime out of me. They can go and repo his truck if they want to get money out of him. I'm not paying.
Once again .. I'm minding my own business and this is the crap I'm constantly dealing with. I'm paying MY bills to the best of my ability. I don't live at home with MY mother or I would probably be able to get on my feet. Instead I'm responsible for two other lives a third including my own and I'm making it even though he's such a jackwagon. I'm being told game on? REALLY? Well hellooo game on because his mother fully is aware now that he hasn't paid the kids and I anything for 4 weeks and boy he did not like that truth coming out the way it did. So I don't think he's had a very good day today. I wish I could say I was sorry that it was so hard .. boooo hooooo .. I was in tears last night and today is looking pretty good.
Hmm .. I wonder how Mr Christian is feeling now that he's threatened me and I'm starting to think that maybe things in his little world aren't going so right. The kids don't even want to spend time with him at this point. Liar, theif, and a drunk .. hmm .. gee .. wonder why they don't want to spend time there. I don't think his world is going the way he thought it would after going to court .. I don't think a lot of things have worked out the way he thought they would. I don't care .. I'm way ok that they haven't.
Anyway, I am in desperate need of a meeting and hoping I can make tomorrow night.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Pushka...if you haven't already done it...Do it now. Call the police and don't loose the email...copy it and file it cause the judge has to see it and everyone else out there that can support you and stand in the way of violence. From an ex-abuser I apologize that you are going thru this. The best way to trip me up was to call the police right away. You have no idea how many second chances you have. The men I use to work with at being non-violent and non-abusers continue to thank me for facilitating in that correction. Call now. ((((hugs))))
The insanity never leaves alcoholism, does it? So our only way out is to figure out how to have less insanity in our own lives. No question that his bills are his and that his behavior is insane and deplorable. Par for the course for someone in the grip of the disease, as we can all testify from a thousand examples. I'm sure we can all identify with the frustration and infuriation.
About the bills coming in your name -- I don't know how that happened and no doubt it will take some fancy footwork to figure it out and see if it can be solved. Expecting him to step up to the plate and pay the tickets or fix the problem ... well, we all know what expectations are, premeditated resentments. He's practically painted across the town water tower in neon ten-foot letters, "I AM NOT TOGETHER ENOUGH TO PAY MY BILLS, I TRY TO WEASEL OUT FROM EVERYTHING, I WANT ANOTHER DRINK." Because he's an alcoholic. Of course it's infuriating. I wonder if you might have added to your own frustration level by texting and expecting that the contact would end in a non-infuriating way. Whenever I've done that (and it's been plenty), I end up escalating things. And then I'm even more infuriated and he's been even more of a flake and deadbeat, and we're back where we started only twice as deep. Of course I'm not saying that his response is excusable. I think though that if repossessing his truck is an option, you should decide to do it and then do it, not threaten him with it, because it doesn't seem as if that wins cooperation, to say the least. Sadly if threatening made any difference at all, we'd all have our way with these crazy people.
The crazier they get, the more it's clear that working our program is the best way forward. Sometimes I get satisfaction from the saying "Living well is the best revenge"!
My gawh... a "jackwagon"?? We are all adults here and yes, sometimes our alcoholics are "jackasses"!! LOL
Sorry you are going through this stuff, but it sounds to me that as hard as it is, you are doing a very good job of taking care of yourself and your kids, and inspite of him being a jackass, you arn't having to go home to mommy, but instead being a good mommy.
As for the threats, don't play any games there, they may or may not mean a thing, but it is not a area you are willing to let him play in. Those days are over. Any threats communicated, need to be documented by the courts... charge him with it, go to court and let him explain to them, how running someone over, or even threatening to is okay and acceptable behavior. (duh) I believe you said it was a TEXT message, right? Let the prosecutor see it.. and in open court, in front of the judge, Mr Jackass will be asked what his phone number is, and is that the phone he uses exclusively. When he says it is, they can present the text, on your phone with his phone number, showing it came from no other source... and rest their case. You won't have to say a word. Then let the cards fall where they may via the court. Try to grasp, that your personal battle with him is over... from now on, you let the courts step in the ring in your behalf.
It's important you don't let yourself become the "bad guy" in the eyes of your children, but sometimes that will happen, no matter what we do or don't do. Just remember that one day, in most states at the age of 12, the courts will not enforce visitation of or on a child that doesn't want it. And you make sure that you are not encouraging this senerio, or discouraging their willingness... Let him become fully responsible for the decision(s) they make when that time comes. Again, you won't have to say a word...
Again, your "Personal" battle with him is over... you don't have to go there, you don't need to participate in it verbally, in text, emails, telephone, telegraph or any other way. Whats triffle, insiffucient you can blow off, not put any time or energy into. What is, such as threats, unpaid child support...anything that jeapardizes the quality of your life, or your children's lives, you let the courts sort out.
Thats my two cents worth. Take what you want and leave the rest.
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
