The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel like now is not the time for me to even think about practicing detachment. Hindsight is 20/20 and had I known the detach rule during lets say the Christmas escapade with him passed out on the landing of the staircase AFTER he had made such as 'xxx' of both of us at a neighbors house. Yes! Detaching would have been a solid idea. But now that the 'xxxx' is stuck like chuck in rehab and sober I have decided it will be in my best interest to fully engage in the same jack wagon action he has so artfully performed of late. At least I have the satisfaction of knowing he might remember it. Now wrapping his mind around it that is a sequel to Meet Mr. Alcoholic. However, for the time being tip toeing around him and being sensitive to his RECOVERY and giving a flying 'xxxx' about his feelings not a chance. Turn about is fair play my friend. Game On! That being said after I received his first letter from rehab (which p.s. was 5 ¼ pages in length) I sent the following reply: I received your letter today. I read it with mixed reviews. I appreciate your 3-sentence apology 3/4s of the way into page two. However, what I am having difficulty in wrapping my mind around is: How out of 5 ¼ pages of dialogue 3 sentences were an apology and the rest was dedicated to your level of inconvenience and non-spa like level of comfort. WOW! Incredible. Not shocking but pretty 'xxxx' incredible. Your ability to articulate your feelings regarding your comfort have been dually noted. Now I hope that your future will bring you the ability to articulate your feelings about another person as clearly as you can your access to a mud mask.
-- Edited by canadianguy on Saturday 2nd of February 2013 02:26:49 AM
Newwoman, your posts are making me laugh seriously, but I know there is a big big amount of hurt there too. Sometimes anger is the best we can do but after that gets played out, detachment will be next. You will reach a point where you just don't care enough to be angry (ideally). Thoughts are with you.
You have definitely kept me laughing. I always say "you either laugh or you cry"! I think being able to look at the situation from a comical perspective is a way to make it without going completely crazy.
I can relate to getting the letter from your A! I actually only ever got one but it was probably much like the one you received. Pages full of how crazy the rehab was and how the people were just out to get him and how they were trying to brainwash him! I couldn't help but laugh. He was being taken care of, feed three meals a day and was able to focus ONLY on himself if he chose and yet he had the nerve to complain! That is how I felt when I read his letter. So angry at the self centered outlook on the whole situation. The past me would have attempted to validate his feelings and try to give him a reason to go on but the angry me couldn't. I did respond to that one letter with a very short and to the point letter. I told him to work on himself...as if that wasn't ALWAYS what he was use to and that I would do the same for me.
I decided after that to have almost no contact with him. He did still call and I probably took 3 calls from him the whole time. I am still working on the detaching part although I feel like I have made some progress. Wishing you the best with however you deal with this situation.
