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I shouldn't be suprised anymore by anything my husband says. We are separated and I've been doing a good job the past several days of avoiding communication and focusing on myself. Now he has sucked me back into his sick world and he has me angry and crying over his cruel comments. After he continued to repeatedly call me despite the fact that I would not answer I finally texted him that I was very ill with the stomach flu and not up to talking to him about anything. He texted back that I'm a slut and must be pregnant by another man. Several unanswered abusive texts later he said the most cruel and hurtful thing possible. He told me that he is having a baby with a woman in Boston. He knows this is a very hurtful topic because I have struggled with miscarriages and difficulty conceiving for 10 years. I know this is unlikely to be true but I'm completely devastated. He was cheating on me with another woman but I found out they rarely had sex and that "relationship" was basically him wasting our money buying her gifts and in return she would tell him how attractive and wonderful he is. This is not the woman he says is pregnant. He is intoxicated nearly all the time now and it's almost impossible for him to perform sexually while drinking. Plus Boston is far away and I don't see anyway possible he was there at the time. We were still together at the time. He claims she is 4 months pregnant. I know in my heart this is most likely just him being cruel but I'm really struggling stopping myself from calling him to try to get more details to see if it is really true or call his family to ask if he has told anyone also about this. I know this is probably just him being saying the one thing he knows would hurt me more than anything to punish me because I'm doing better at not engaging when he tries to start arguments. On top of being very sick right now I have allowed him to reduce me to an emotional wreck right now and I'm trying so hard to pick myself back up.
I am so sorry that you are feeling poorly and have been subjected to additional insanity from you partner, So glad that you brought your concerns here and shared
Please remember that your inner voice and instincts know full well that there is little truth in what he is saying. The nonsense is being used as a weapon to obtain a response. If he is pregnant with another woman that is his serious problem . He will be responsible for child support and nurturing the child You know what kind of a parent he will make as long as he is still drinking. Be gentle with yourself, Say the serenity prayer and
Let go of his insanity and Let God heal you and give you the life you deserve
Gosh, you are going through a hard time. My first consideration about his text to you about being pregnant to another man, and accusing you of being a slut was, maybe he thought he was texting the other woman?
The words he has shared are untrue. Hold onto the person you know you are. You are special and loved, and you don't need to hear anything otherwise.
Dear scaredandconfused, i relate very well how you must feel right now. My A also does those things, tries with every means to get back my attention, or any kind of reaction. When nothing worked, when I managed to detach somehow and get me out of his shooting line, well he did the thing that he knew he would hit me most... he saw his ex again, with whom he claimed all the time when we were together, that she is out of his life etc etc...now, 2 days after claiming that he loves me more than anything in this world, he posts proudly pictures with him and her...go figure! I don't even believe it's a romantic relationship or anything...and it doesn't even interest me if they got together or not ( she will have her hands full dealing with the after effect of his addiction, and I KNOW it's not fun), but the simple fact that he wants to play that unfair game with me, seeking to hurt me wherever and however he can, proves me his unhealthy mind. I'm not playing the game. instead I will just not give him anything;yes it bugs me a little bit, and in the past I would have got back to him in a fury....but then he would have ALL my attention again, negative, for sure, but i would still play along. So I sit, enjoy the last bit of serenity, wish him all the best, IF that's really the case, and wish him happiness and healthy living. If I'm very honest I'm happy I'm out of his focus area right now. For the rest, i don't care what he thinks about me...and I somewhat have the feeling his frustration will not simply end like this. A's don't get better over night, with a change of girlfriend. So try to relax, and see behind the game. And armor your self-esteem...your AH is playing unfair, very much so. One more reason to wish something better for yourself and keep that distance well alive. Good luck with that, and sending Courage your way. yOu deserve love and affection and care and understanding. Everything else is just selfish manipulation. take good care of yourself, you are what matters most now.I personally drowned this morning in self-pity, but have decided now, after some encouraging words here, to use this moment of silence to completely detach and get stronger. stand up and move forward, there must be some light in front of us. HUGS...many many many.
When I finally understood the poison was always going to come from him, one of the things I did was get a different cell phone and refused to give him the number, period. I can't tell you how many normal ordinary days were spoiled by a hurtful text and how wonderful it is NOT to live in fear of a text message.
__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
our ODAT reminds me..."there is nothing, in law or ethics, that compels us to stay in a degrading situation..." within that book is also this bit of truth and wisdom: "we each have a right to a free and happy life..."
when I was distraught I was encouraged to meditate upon peaceful truths
you get to decide which peaceful truths you believe--the chaos of alcoholism or the wisdom of al-anon
our ODAT reminds me..."there is nothing, in law or ethics, that compels us to stay in a degrading situation..." within that book is also this bit of truth and wisdom: "we each have a right to a free and happy life..."
when I was distraught I was encouraged to meditate upon peaceful truths
you get to decide which peaceful truths you believe--the chaos of alcoholism or the wisdom of al-anon
"you will come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered
After a couple of crazy making years I started to find a balance when my AH started playing the 'other woman' game. I finally asked myself what difference does it make to me if what he says is true? Either which way it is insulting and not the type of behaviour that I want to accept in my life.
I know how it hurts scaredandconfused so I'm sending you a big warm (((((hug)))))) and lots of congratulatory pats on the back for taking good care of yourself and avoiding communications over the past several days. You must be doing well to be bowled such a low ball
He found the right button on you to create the maximum response. How do they know how to do that? Now it is your response to not respond. Continue to not answer the phone. You know what he is going to say. Why expose yourself to more insanity? He is very mentally ill. You say he is nearly all the time drunk. He can't make a rational thought in his head. Protect yourself from his insanity.
Take care of yourself and come here and to AlAnon meetings to vent your responses.
I read all the responses to your post and asked myself "What have you learned Jerry F in recovery that fits this situation best"? and Kaybee nailed it right on and I can remember feeling so much clarity with that ODAT passage and the others I got from inside the face to face Al-Anon Groups I attended. What I snipped out of your post was, "I have allowed him" and I remember another piece of very supportive information from one of our daily readers that goes hand in hand with what Kaybee offers. "No one has the power to control and affect our lives without our permission and participation". Don't participate. Get a sponsor and that suggestion of getting a different phone and securing the number is good. Keep coming back!! (((((hugs)))))
