The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So sorry to hear you are feeling this way today. Just give yourself a big hug and remember that tomorrow is a whole new day and you don't have to know anything today but that you are loved.
I recognize that painful place. When I first walked into the rooms of alanon, that was exactly what I said. Friends in the room suggested that I had completed a First Step. I admitted I was powerless and that my life was not manageable. It was time to continue to Step 2 and 3 as Jerry just suggested.
What a familiar feeling. I do know that this too shall pass, as you said. When I am feeling overwhelmed by this feeling, or lack of feelings, I try to remember to ask myself how do I feel and what do I need. That was my mantra for a long time at one point because I realized that I often did not identify my own feelings or needs and act accordingly.
Try HALT
Am I...
Hungry-Do I need a healthy meal or snack?
Angry- Are my expectations out of line with reality? (Do I expect healthy behavior from unhealthy people? Perfection?)
Lonely- Do I need to get to a meeting or to call an Al-Anon friend?
Tired- Do I need to take a nap or to get to bed earlier? (I personally do not function well without enough sleep. My emotions run high when I am tired.)
I also sometimes feel this way when I am on the edge of a breakthrough in my program. I am learning to identify that and let go and just let it run its course.
Above all else know that you are not alone. We have been there and you will come through it.
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Thanks so much for your words ((((ALL)))) today I woke up a little bit more motivated again.
First thing I did, was thinking about my limits. so here are my newly identified boundaries, which I never wrote down before:
I cannot take verbal nor physical abuse. I cannot take racism. I cannot take excuses or lies. i cannot take the blame for other's mistakes and choices. i cannot be hated for something i haven't done. i cannot take responsibility for judgments and fears of other people due to ignorance. i cannot take the risk to damage my physical and mental health, if I already found out what's healthy for me and what isn't. i cannot ignore things that hurt in the close past and present i cannot be told selfish when I'm taking care of myself. i cannot accept being pushed into anger, when I'm actually looking for love and acceptance. i cannot make a promise to others, when I am scared and confused. i cannot take jealousy, if i know i put so much effort in showing my love. i cannot stand for all bad or evil things in this world, just because that would be the easiest way for everyone.
one step after the other, one day at a time. Thanks for being there with your help when I need support.
Tortuga, thank you for writing that list. It's something I could have written word for word: even about the racism as my AH is a raging racist.
I'm sorry that you're struggling and I know that feeling well. Like there's a solid wall standing between me and my recovery. Then, after a few pensive days, I realize that the wall has a door and I open it and I move into the next room of my own recovery. Sometimes we need days like this because even when it feels like a setback, it's really a chance for us to dig deeper and search for what we really need to focus on 'for us'. Nothing happens by accident and you are right where you are today because your Higher Power has put you there. Take heart in knowing that everything truly is as it should be. Sending you hugs today!
