He did come back last evening and demanded to be let in, we didn't, I worried about him all night it was so cold and was snowing, I felt pretty low this morning but being in work was a tonic, I keep thinking about the main reasons I cannot tolerate his bahviours anymore, his drinking comes before everything, he tells lies and he lives a secret life that I can only imagine is very dark, the friends he keeps are not true real freinds that take care of him, they steal his possesions and put him in hospital but his loyalty to them is second to none, most all of his nights out result in him being beaten up,or being arrested , losing his jobs, my haert breaks and towards myself and his father there is so much agression so much anger, what more can you say to a 21 year old, that has been like this and getting worse since the age of 16, I need to take care of myself, I am tired of laying in bed not sleeping worried about where he is and what state he will come home, fed up of answering the phone to debt collectors, and having police at my door,  he has to learn that mum and dad will no longer fetch him back from another disaster be woken and abused nights, be taken in by his promises of I will change just to get his foot back in the door, we are his meal ticket, and he has always had us to fall back on, I doubt he will keep this latest job as soon as his check clears he will be drinking it dwon the toilet, of course it will be everybodies fault but his own, I feel strong as I write this, hoping that being hard on him will make him man up, will make him seek alternative accomadation and eventually realise the world has much more to offer, you never think you will have a child that could cause you so much haertache, I do love him so much I pray I can keep my resolve he needs this from me.

regards 

Katy

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