The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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Setting boundaries is what this is about. And he crossed the line in a big way. I had been his sponsor for only a week when he confided to me that his live in pregnant girlfriend caught him flirting with women online. He said they had a long talk over it, and things appeared to be returning to normal between them. I advised him to pray to have that defect removed every day. He told me that after 4 years sober, he didnt pray much. I said, well this is the majority of our program, praying every single day and trusting in a Higher Power to return us to sanity- which if you dont pray, how is he to do this? Youre only stuck playing God without a relationship with him. He understood and said he would start. Next time we talked, he said he was having resentments about a member of a certain group, and said he was debating on whether or not he was going to go to that group anymore. I told him to pray about it, since resentments are the number one killer of alcoholics. He said he would start - wait, "start?" I thought we had resolved that already? guess not. Sooo
A few know of the issues with my daughter- shes in the state here but cant live here. I go to her house and pick her up. Ironically, the night before, he texts me and asks if I have a Facebook, I say yes and give him my name- he requests friendship and I accept. Then, I pick up my daughter from her house and she goes on to tell me that my sponsee and her are friends on Facebook and the day before, he was messenging her to undress for him on camera.... Knowing full well shes my daughter whos trying to recover. SHe admits to flirting back a bit, but claims she never undressed. (how much truth to that, I dont know and I dont care)- This single act is way too close to me and Im the one who feels violated. Nothing could be more disgusting. Im angry, Im embarassed that I put this relationship to the test and feel like he used me to get to her. So I dropped him almost immediately. I guess some truly are sicker than others. I dont know what I was looking for posting this other than to vent.
Whoa, those are some big-time situations. What a good reminder that none of us can recover unless we face the truth to ourselves about our own addictions. It sounds as if your sponsee sure wasn't there yet. I even wonder if he wanted to be "fired" -- that's some pretty big acting out.
I don't pray because I am not a believer. But for us unbelievers I think there is still "Good Orderly Direction." If we look inside ourselves and ask "Is trying to get my sponsor's addict daughter to undress online a step towards good orderly direction, or a step away?" -- I think the answer would be pretty clear. And if the group is an HP, I'm pretty sure I know what the group would think is right.
This man sounds very troubled. I hope he finds his way forward soon. I'm glad you exercised such healthy boundaries even when someone was desperately trying to push all the buttons he could!
dave, you must feel so betrayed by a person you were helping. this seems so low. please dont let this stop you from continuing to help others. he is obviously a very sick human being. take care.
When confronted with some situations, it can be more of a challenge to keep our side of the street clean and keep working the principles of our program. Your own sponsor may be of help with sorting this out. I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I just started going to AlAnon, and barely know what the principals of AlAnon are, Im going to a meeting tonight. I havent found an AlAnon sponsor yet but I do have a AA sponsor. Since I live in a smaller area with only a handful of meetings, Im bound to run into him from time to time. The best I can do is show compassion because he is truly sick, but I cant help but feel a resentment about it. Ive also been down his road and told him what I did to get that removed. I never in a million years imagined that a sponsors daughter would become a target of these things. Best I can do is pray for him, and I have.
Dave, what an awful ordeal. You're exactly right. What happened or didn't happen between the two of them is not important. What's important is that you need to protect yourself from this person. In light of the fact that he isn't following one of the most important steps in AA, he may not be taking it all as seriously as he should. I'm sorry you had to go through this.
There is a difference between AA and Alanon and it's important to take steps to have sponsors in both. That kind of deception is so big and it's hard to process that kind of betrayal.
Congrats Dave for drawing the boundaries and sticking to them. That is pretty creepy on this guys part.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
