The material presented
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Expectations vs. Preception vs. Projecting I still struggle at times in these three... I have Got ALOT better with the "Expectations" that I put on Others, but I still at times expect Myself to be More then I am at the moment, which can set me up to fail if I don't keep a Handle on it...
Sometimes I feel like the way I Perceive things is 90% of my Problem... I read so Much into something that sometimes it Makes my head hurt... And Alot of it No One knows but me... Its like the Wheels in my Head are Constantly waiting to line me up for thee very next Let Down, and I'm Working Angle after Angle to protect myself (Attempting Control) before that Happens... Too which 90% of the time it DOESN'T...
Which is where the Projection comes in... Why do I Project Mostly Negative things? For a Long time I Blamed this On my Husband..lol.. He is that of a Negative Nellie, and at times I REALLY have to look at Him as STOP! ENOUGH! Just Stop Talking! Because he will go one this Rant... And when I started Looking at ME & My Negativity I Realized I am just as Negative HOWEVER... Its Mostly Spoken in my Mind, and I've been Slowly learning Not to Spue it From my Mouth... (Not easy for me but Work in progress)
I am One that Takes Very Seriously How Others Treat Me, or Have Treated Me and when I feel like they are Coming at me with Kindness I am Ready to Accept More Hurt, More lies, More deception, More Manipulation, More Miss Leading, More Abuse on some level, I tend to Tread Lightly..But in the Back of Mine Mind I Hear Myself Saying "WAIT FOR IT... WAIT FOR IT".... I know that I am to Practice Forgiveness... And I Do, But I Still feel the Fear on the Inside... Feels A Lot Like an Alcer I Once had...
I was Always told to Treat People as You want to be Treated, and I do Work Very Hard at that, however... Once I have been Hurt by someone I have Cared for or Loved/Love I Feel Myself Slowly Pulling Back for my Own Safety, Whether they are Kind, or Not... I'm Waiting on them to Hurt me again! And Waiting to See what their Kindness is About to Cost Me!
I Struggle Sometimes so Much with this I Wish My Brain had an On/Off Switch that I could just Flip...And I know it Comes from Growing up in an Alcoholic family my entire life, filled with Alcoholics, addicts, and VERY Untrustworthy & Sick people... (Me Included)... I Sometimes wonder if it will ever get better? I know that HP always has my back and I have Moved Mountains in that Department in Turning things Over to God (As I Understand) and Not Taking them Back, but the "Stinking thinking" is Always Right there & Ready to Pounce at the First Sign of "I Told you So!" Even if it Never Comes...
Its Tough at times, but I am Very Grateful I can come here & Share these (Whatever Feelings) and Know that I am Not Judged or Condemned for them... I wish I Knew the Magic Cure for this.... Because I don't like who I am when I sit in My Own Minds Judgement... Its a Tough Seat, and at times VERY Critical and Overwhelming...I Try My Best to Only Breed "Good & Healthy" things to Others, but to myself at times I can be Quite Ugly...
I do hear you and understand. I too found myself pulling back expecting to be hurt again until HP removed that particular negative trait from me and replaced it with Trust.
Trust that I could handle life on life's term regardless of what anyone else said or did. I could love, laugh have compassion on everyone because I would never give MYSELF away again I would always have my Being attached to HP and focused inwardly on my inner voice. Once this was firmly implanted in my mind, my heart and soul the fear of others has disappeared.
I can stop evaluating, projecting, reading others minds and motives and simply TRUST HP to guide me and reveal all I need to know to make the right decisions. HP has never failed me.
You are doing fine. Keep reflecting and turning it over.
I can totally relate to your way of thinking and I am reading a book on codependency that has greatly alleviated my anxiety plus it has flipped my switch to OFF (mostly). Melody Beatty is the author, the book is called CoDependent No More. My mental merry-go-round has stopped for a long time, and I am able to ward off the negative thoughts and obsessive thinking much easier now.
Sis...I was here when you first showed up and that person is now long gone. I relate to this share because a great part of it was my own share at my home group meeting tonight and why shouldn't it be as we have walked the same journey. I am currently in this perception mode with my counselors who are helping me deal with the ptsd fallout, the trauma occuring way back in time in my alcoholic/addict family. Do your work and be gentle with Jozie...((((hugs))))
Your Dead on... Its "Trust" and it Scares the Be-Jesus Out of me when it comes to "Trusting" someone that Has Hurt me.. But I LOVE the Line you said:
"Trust that I could handle life on life's term regardless of what anyone else said or did"
I Needed to Hear that... Because I do Believe in my Heart that I CAN Deal with Life Regardless of what Comes at me, its the Whole "Regardless of what Anyone Else Says or Does!" that I tend to get hung up on.. I Do Not Trust Easy... AT ALL... I have Tons of Faith In Me... But VERY Little in others, and if one of those "Others" Has Flat Out Smashed My Feelings, then even when I sit in Forgiveness of the Deed, I never Forget & Feel I Must Stay on Guard... Always Waiting Like a Cat about to Pounce at the 1st Sign of Mistrust or Sneakyness...
(((((Kismet)))))
I Guess its time to Break that Book back out again... lol... I Read it when I 1st got into Program & it was a Huge Help... So thanks for the Reminder to Bring it up out of the Cob webs ;) Glad your Here!
(((Brother))))
My Prayers I Hope have been Finding there way to you across the Waters , For I Make sure to Send them Daily.. For your Healing, & Well Being...
Thank you for always being Encouraging, to me... I Believe you are just as Much a Part of My Recovery as Me :) You & ((Hotrod)) have Been My Angels from afar for some time...Since My NEW Beginning...And Knowing that WE Walk this Together... Bring Peace to my Heart... Continued Prayers always
What an inspiration you are to be even considering these issues.
My boundary issues are daily. If someone has trod all over me they do not get much of a chance at squashing my feelings anymore.
Nevertheless I cannot banish every single one of them from my life. I have had to work closely with a sponsor to readjust my expectations rather then think that there is something wrong with me.
I have always believed that Anything.. That can Bring Joy to me was Worth Considering, even if it means I have some work to do first, I'm just Grateful that Al-Anon allows me to Adjust my Sails as I go... Cause don't get me wrong, I have Some Very Wonderful weeks, some times all in a row, but then the snag will show up and for some reason, I Bite, and tumble slowly until I am reminded there is more work to do :)
I too So Struggle with Boundry's... ALOT... Because I Can Mix them with Tryin to Control an Outcome, Which of course we all know I have NO control over most things, but my mind still at times will attempt such nonsense without a doubt ;)
And Yes, If I was to banish ALL that has hurt me or my feelings, I would def. be living in a lonely world... I Just don't like to throw my "Faith" in others around to much... I Trust ME & I Trust HP... But aside from that... I live very sheltered in that department... I just want to see it Flurish and turn beautiful.. But then again... Don't we All...
