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All was well last night as I retired and I wake up to a message that my son had this burning desire to drink. He said he called his sponser but I don't know if it did any good or not. Can only pray
Not doing so well this morning so I understand my need of continued support and help of Al-anon. I let my guard down....I did :( I was not prepared as I was told many times.
Please god help me to not be worried and let me have peace.
I don't want to go backwards....I don't
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Hi Cathy, I don't know if I've been in alanon long enough to give you sound words but here goes, your son's recovery is his business and like you said all you can offer is prayers. Maybe you expected a smooth journey. You could look at it another way. Your son feels like a drink but he has reached out instead. That is progress. Maybe you are not the person to help as you are also in recovery but you didn't step in and fix so you too have made progress.
Thinking of you.
your getting there cathy, your doing all the right things. i feel the same, im really trying but sometimes that old self doubt creeps in. i think its just practice.also, we both have to fight the mothering instinct which makes it really hard.
Many people in al anon have to set boundaries about what time they will take a call and when and how they will. I know for me these days I do not accept calls late at night if I can help it. The ex A called at all hours, he expected me to jump up and generally I did. When I first left him he called all the time and I was worried sick. Then after going to the wall with fatigue I stopped picking up the phone. Guess what nothing changed he did not die. I felt I was so instrumental in his life that he could not live without me. I had to come to terms that the dependency was on my end.
There are a lot of reasons why you could not have answered the call. Of course not picking up the phone when you are fearful of the worst is very hard. Most alcoholics who are in recovery are taught all sorts of things to do when they feel the urge to drink. Calling a sponsor is just one of them. I do not doubt your son knows more than the ones he told you about.
Cathy, tell h'm to get more people's numbers in AA. When I couldn't reach my sponsor, I called peers in AA. I did no lay it on my mom who is already struggling to detach. That is cruel if him. He can call the AA hotline, get to a meeting,.. He is in AA. He has tools too. One way to detach is to just remind him to go to meetings and call other alcoholics. Him calling you with that is not working the program and going for pity.
Soooo has Cathy got herself a sponsor yet? You're not looking like a sponsor for your alcoholic are you? Questions, questions that you need to answer for yourself because I found that I had tons of support in the fellowship and was the one that needed to do my own work...no one was going to save me (though I tried) just as no one was going to save my alcoholic/addict except herself. I stopped answering the phone for two reasons...One I was powerless and two it was part of my recovery practice to stay away from invitations to engage and to let God engage her instead. I learned different forms of responses which took the responsibility to rescue her and use them and the one time I didn't I relapsed in my program because I was with her when she decided to drink. She went down (literally) and so did I (literally) and the only thing it proved was that 1. the program was right and what I should live and 2. I came to see the width and depth of my enabling with her and was appalled at what I realized. Let go and Let God is a slogan...it is an even better behavioral practice. When the time came to practice the very same thing with my alcoholic/addict son I was glad for the experience. It made it so much easier. Try thinking of the consequences that come about when you enable.
At least he didn't call me. He did talk to his sponsor for a hour last night and got him through. I guess he shouldn't even let me know his feelings because it only upsets me. I get it. I don't even know if he has other numbers to call either.
No Cathy doesn't have a sponsor yet. I'm to afraid to ask. I go, I listen and I talk but I don't ask. I talk to a counselor weekly but I know that is not enough when I need help.
No I'm not his sponsor Jerry....Gosh I hope not....ohhhhh maybe I'm becoming one....oh NO. I talked to him today about his appointment at his new job and we talked about 2 hours....about his dad, about me, about him. We cried, We laughed. God this is so hard for me to understand what I do or need to do. I get so caught up with the drama. Yes I'm trying to be a sponsor I think....bad...bad
Thank you all I need it...I need tough love (((( hugs )))))
PS: I sometimes think I should just give up. Pity party going on here.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
