The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ive listened to promise after promise, too many lies and through the years lies about money with my verbal abusive AH. Hes just now tryin to take it seriously about 3 months ago and started out good. Went 30 days then relapsed then 45 days now its about twice a week again. On the 7 th of January is when his abusive father died 16 years ago and unfortunately im thinking about going to a shelter that day because he is making it known its going to be bad. Normal drunk days are already filled with violence. I get so nervous days he has to do errands that it feels like im going to have a heart attack and on verge of passing out. Please help!
Hi, I'm quite new to this forum too. I have been a member of alanon for about 8 mths. My ex ah would use his father's anniversary as an excuse to behave badly, in fact he would and still does look for things in life that he can feel sorry for himself about then he feels he is justified. That seems to be what alcoholics do. I have learned I have no control over him, the good news is you have control over what you do. You have choices. You can remove yourself from verbal abuse, physically or mentally. You can set boundaries to protect your peace of mind and you can call the police if violence is an issue. None of this is easy but alanon will get you there. I am not at a place where this is easy I still put up with unacceptable behaviour but I'm getting better. Thinking of you.
Lc
You do not say if you are attending al anon meetings, I hope you are and would suggest that if you arent then you begin to. Maybe you could attend a meetng on the anniversary. Or spend time wih a al anon friend. he is going to do what he is going to do on the day, what you do is up to you.
The best thing that I have recieved due to my committment to al anon and my own recovery is that today I matter. yes your husband is ill, yes the anniversary may be hard, but they are his challenges. You matter too!!!
So glad you are reaching out on here, keep up the good work, it works if you work it and you are worth it.
Elcee is correct about the self-pitying and excuse making of alcoholism. Aside from that, violence is totally unacceptable. Try and contact a women's organization or domestic abuse hotline and get help. I know it's easy to say "oh he's only like that when he drinks" and even if that were true, it doesn't make it better. If he's really going to stop drinking and address his violent temper, it can be from a place where you are safe from him. You don't have to get a divorce but safety is key. If he could live on his own, get sober, adopt an AA lifestyle more deeply and for himself (I know, in the perfect world) - THAT would be the most likely way for things to work out in a way where the changes occur in the manner you want. The odds of this happening are slim so detachment is a good tool. Let go, get yourself safe, and he with either follow through with the healthy course of action or he wont.
