The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Oh how often have I had an issue, In Alanon, and put my big foot in it it! Come to thing of it that is how I have learned, and grown.
Not sure what will happen here- I have no beef with this forum- no issues to raise. This has to do with Alanon as a whole. The only time,
in my Alanon walk we had a conscience meeting happened a long time ago. We were meeting in a school. Some of the members wanted
to have room where they could smoke. So a conscience meeting was called. The smokers won over. I was a it miffed because I did not smoke- and the rights of individuals, or minorities wasn't really considered. Bit I needed Alanon a lot more than smoke-free and kept coming along.
With Alanon at large I get the impression that some people want Alanon to be like a franchise. So that any group anywhere in the world is just the same. In the last ten years groups read the steps and traditions at every meeting. Also, and what bugs me most is that personal sharing at meetings is discouraged- to be dealt with with a sponsor, or beyween meetings.
Apart from at assemblies I have not attended bigger meetings. In the small towns around here meetings struggle to survive in numbers. I did have a sponsor years ago but she quit Alanon altogether. I made a decision that 'once a member, always a member' and I still participate. Because I am a man my sponsorship options are fairly limited- both being a sponsor, and having a sponsor.
At the moment we are building up a group fairly successfully. For me always we have a Step One format when we get a new member. Its a part of our group culture. We have always had a different chair every week too- and if that person wants to make changes, or not, it is up to them.
I am not saying that is how Alanon has to be. I am saying this is how a small town group may survive.
David, I think it's easy for all of us to overlook the traditions--after all, what do we need THEM for? :) Anyway, I think unity is a huge reason I stick around al anon. That people are sharing their experience, strength and hope (not opinions) and are able to stick to one main topic (alcholism, the family disease), recovery is possible. I think what happened in your group was that there was a vague understanding of the traditions, and none about the concepts. The smokers still may have "won," but the group conscience would have been much more involved.
Come to think of it, maybe it was a good thing that people didn't know about the traditions and concepts--otherwise, you still might be in the group conscience!
Aloha David...I'm also male and was raised by the women of Al-Anon. There wasn't a single perfect one in the program then and there isn't now and so my imperfection was and is tolerated. My experience with the steps and traditions and adherence to the protocols is that often times we "get close" to how I see it or interpret it and other times we're out to lunch (my opinion) and need to behave and then I remember that how I work it is "my program" and since I'm not perfect "it" isn't either. "The" program has always had "fluff" in it since I first got here and even when Lois was still around and visiting it had "fluff". What has always helped me is in the closing of the meeting..."If you keep an open mind" you will find help. I don't smoke or go to smoking allowed meetings...we don't have any smoking meetings because of respect to facilities we rent and also because of "controversial issues" such as smoke damaging facilities. Also smoking vs no smoking is a controversial issue and we don't participate in those. Some of the other controversial issues have been the gender of God, the organizational relationship of God, the nature of prayer, the use of the 7th tradition, sign-in sheets, meeting time lengths and such. Our unity is always the foremost endeavor because we fare better against the disease united than we would alone. It gets us alone and we are done. Keep coming back (((hugs)))
After I first moved to a bigger town from a tiny one I had huge hopes about all the meetings and was sadly mistaken when I got here. The meeting that was closest and fit into my schedule the best was ruled by cross talk, advice giving and I was shocked and when I brought up the cross talk aspect I was met with defensive hostility and got the idea that these 5 women were comfy with the way they have been doing things. I stopped going to that one and make it rarely to a different one 35 minutes away and talk to my sponsor regularly. I come here just about daily and do my readings daily. I do think about starting a group at some point and I am thinking it is in my future for sure. Thanks for the reminder to keep coming back and to take what I like and leave the rest.
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I like the consistency of the intro and readings at my meetings. I read somewhere that alanon acts like a surrogate mother to us sick people so consistent reading of the steps and traditions help us feel safer. We know what to expect every time. This is something that is vital for us who live chaotic life's with alcoholics.
I am speaking from my experience after attending meetings in a huge town that has over 30 meetings a day. I do not understand the dynamics of a small town or the needs. These are just my ideas on Tradition 1
I know when I first entered alanon, the First Tradition frightened me. I felt here we go again--- I must become invisible in order for the group to be united. That was my pre recovery anti everything personality.I am glad I stayed and watched the Traditions in action.
The meetings I attend have group conscience vote anytime any change is suggested. If a member wants to open a window-- a group conscience is taken. I agree this may seem a bit over the top but it works. The groups I support believe that we each need to learn how to negotiate and to express our needs. and wants . We need to contribute our ideas to the group for consideration and even if they are not endorsed by anyone we have won because we took the risk and shared an idea. This way each individual is heard. I know I would have a really hard time if the Chair could arbitrarily change the meetings or the format. However if the group had decided this was the new arrangement I would find another group.
I know that World Service has issued a Service Manual with suggested meeting formats etc. These are guidelines for groups world wide so that when anyone travels any place, alanon will be presented from the alanon perspective. and "alanon will be spoken here"
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As far as reading the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions at each meeting, I find it very comforting and a important reminder that these tools are the bases of our recovery and should not be ignored.
The sharing at meetings is personal and up to each individual. I prefer to share my Experience Strength and Hope Others may choose to just express their pain so that the no cross talk suggestion is important . This guards members from others giving advise and judging them. I have never attended a meeting with cross talk . and I would not stay at a meeting that entertained that pre recovery behavior.
every day is a day closer to serenity sometimes there is a a little bit of the bad-boy still in me who wants to pick an argument- but now i am getting old and cunning and can see it in others- see it coming and embrace it with detachment.
I did go to a meeting somewhere where the one hour was the rule- no more and no less. I think with our smaller meetings there is time for everyone to share. Even on chat meetings i see this now. I think with some of us oldies there is a challenge to pitch the message in a way the gets everyone sharing... it encourages trust, and growth.
My own home meeting is growing one by one. for me having this outlet and really, a training ground is a big bonus! The district made me treasurer- scared the living daylight out of me [being treasurer] but it gives me a foothold on the executive and it is a team family thing... ... and at the beginning I felt a bit of heat- they were testing me and checking me out... but I was up for that. Its another level and it does mean something!
I havebeen through a few changes. The no crosstalk rule I encountered online. i saw one online group where that rule was enforced right across the board! No greeting and no coffee-time, which are both important.
I think by now I have learned when to give someone space, and to honour certain shares that i read or hear.
One technique I earned early is where members pitched in with their ESH, offering opinions and not advice. Mostly now people might ask for this right up, which makes things easy.
I had a slip over the break and descended into binge eating of comfort food. It was private eating too. But I was on to it right away. All the old attitudes flooded back- a reminder that I am not perfect...
Good luck in your new GR position and with your group as it grows. Glad you are here sharing your ESH so we can all grow and learn.
I permitted myself to indulge in too many Holiday pastries and ice cream over this season Now it is time to get back to my eating and exercise schedule.
I pray that your New Year is filled with Blessings.
Oh how often have I had an issue, In Alanon, and put my big foot in it it! Come to thing of it that is how I have learned, and grown.
. I agree this may seem a bit over the top but it works. The groups I support believe that we each need to learn how to negotiate and to express our needs. and wants . We need to contribute our ideas to the group for consideration and even if they are not endorsed by anyone we have won because we took the risk and shared an idea. This way each individual is heard. I know I would have a really hard time if the Chair could arbitrarily change the meetings or the format. However if the group had decided this was the new arrangement I would find another group.