There is work going on with my exH i'm not involved in.  Between his new therapist (well old but hasn't seen him in years) and the aunt who called him out on the abuse and took away his last standing ability to lie about me in court and lie about his abuse of the kids - I hear through the aunt that he's quit his vengence on me.  And he came to me in a humble manner and made some requests.  I acknowledged them but allowed the children to ultimately decide and the short version is "it's too soon for even short day visits, they are not ready, you need to understand and be patient". 

I have been dating someone, he's a "normie" like me.  Actually there is no alcoholism in his family..that's more than I can say!  He is an extremely talented musician, he is crazy about me, I have been my usual "in my head over-think everything" control freak and he has patiently waited for me to quit it LOL.  No pressure, no guilt trips, nothing just waiting.  We had one discussion where I upset him inadvertantly - and his first response was "I need some time to think so I don't react".  Then a day later we talked and he had this very mature reaction of basically "I understand what you are saying and I will take it to heart and see what I can do".

Floored me.  I'm not used to someone who doesn't react right away and takes time to think things through.  I'm often the same way so it was nice.

He has a pretty wild past.  That was where I got stuck in my head.  But pretty soon I began to think "wait, he's up front, honest, admits and takes responsibility for it, not a single "blame someone else" comment and says he's grown up and learned from it and is over it.  Maybe I should give this guy a chance and not just run off.  And when I pushed him away pretty hard early on, he just said "ok I get it you need space" and was straight, not upset, not guilting me just "ok".

So we shall see.  He knows I believe it takes a very long time to really get to know someone.  My second qualifier and last relationship was 9 months of on and off relapses with a non-functioning drunk.  So of course I'd be wary of the sober honest guy? LOL I still got things to work on eh?

But more than anything, knowing my kids will not have to see their dad is a huge blessing.  That is more important than anything else right now.  Sadly they had to endure a full weekend of drunken insanity first (no one called me it breaks my heart) but it led to peace.  And I enjoyed a full week with my middle son here and he had a great time with his brothers and being home.  He had a really hard time leaving this morning :(  I had a hard time too.  He's doing well living with the aunt, too soon to call it quits.