The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
There are things you can do to help yourself. The first being get yourself to an Al-Anon face to face meeting. If he gets so drunk that you fear he is in danger of hurting himself you can always call 911 and have him put in detox. Some hospitals do not offer this for alcohol, only drugs, however in most states there is a mental health organization that fills in where the hospital can't. It won't stop him if he is dead set on drinking again but it just might sober him up enough so that he can think. Once you have attended a F2F meeting you will be given a call list. This is one of your most valuable tools at this point. If he ever says "I need help" call one of the people on your call list and most likely they will know people in AA that can do a 12 Step Call. That is where 3 or 4 people come and talk with him. They are kind but will tell it like it is and make suggestions as to what he might try. They will also call him on his stuff and not take excuses. If they feel he needs detox or a program that will keep him for a longer period of time and work with him to get past where he is at now they will do what they can to get him there. We always have options, it's just a matter of finding them. All of these are not only taking care of yourself but you are also helping him do what he is not capable of doing for himself at the moment. It may all work and it may not but you will be ok. Most often when the spouse seeks out Al-Anon, gets a sponsor and starts working the steps you will slowly see a miraculous change in the alcoholic. So take care of you. You can't make him stop but you can take advantage of the tools that are out there to help you. Remember you are not the first one in this situation so there are people that have been where you are at and they can tell you what worked for them.
One of the tools I use in determining whether something is mine to take care of is to state the issue in a sentence. If my name is not in the sentence then it's not mine to take care of. IT IS perfectly ok to Love an Alcoholic. This time of year is especialy difficult for most people who are addicted to anything, so the crisis may pass somewhat after the holidays. Take care of you and let your higher power take care of him. You are not responsible for his drinking only he is and unfortunately we can't change that regardless of how many games we play like throwing out the booze, spending so much money ourselves that there isn't enough left over for them to buy booze. We have all played those games only to have them backfire on us.
I will add you to my prayers and you WILL be ok.
-- Edited by Mobirdie on Friday 28th of December 2012 06:02:40 PM
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
I am new to this site. My husband has been an alcoholic for many many years. Last August he got really sick to the point where if he continued drinking he would die. He finally decided to get help and he has been sober for just a little over a year . With the Christmas holidays he had a relapse.... He is so determined to keep drinking he says he messed up and there is no changing it now. I had to track him down and find him and when I did i had to drag him home before he got to far gone into the "sauce" again. He is really miserable moody and he lashes out at me quite often. I asked him when he sobered up why he had fallen and he said it is because nothing is working for him and he is stressed out.
Back in September I had a back surgery done and was put on medication. He had admitted to stealing my medication. Now I know it is not my fault but I feel that if I did not have the surgery he would not have gotten so stressed out having to care of me during my recovery and he would not have started taking my medication and chasing that rush and turn to alcohol.
i am so hurt upset and confused I do not know what to do say or do to help him get back on track. He is determined to drink New years eve. So far I have managed to keep him home and busy but i feel it is not enough. He has a sponsor I have called him because he is away on holidays. I feel like I am walking on egg shells because anything I say or do he snaps and gets really angry with me. I am forced to just sit and be quiet. I joined this site for support not only for myself but for him as well. Can anyone help give me advice as to what I can do to help him? I am desperate and would hate to go down this road again.
Go to Alanaon f2f meetings and dont worry about him at all. You cant help him until he wants help, thats the sad truth. So do for you, you deserve it! Put your meds somewhere he cant get to, like locked up in your car or work or something, what are you going to do when you need it and there isnt any? Or id you dont need it, flush it, it isnt for him anyway. Sending prayers of support...
Thank you so much for you advice Mobirdie and thank you for the prayers..... I will try my best to keep my chin up....It's just that when he is drinking I feel like his babysitter not his spouse.... I have called a few people who attend his AA meetings they said they will do their best to try and help us. It is nice to know I am not alone on this.
That's not the verge of a relapse....That is a full blown relapse. Do your best to get to alanon meetings. Hopefully folks from AA can 12th step him back into AA. That is their business and they are the ones who are best suited. Most of it will be up to him to be willing and open when they come to help. He does sound like someone who just needs to hear from some folks in AA "it's is okay...come back." and that this would break the shame and let him know it's not all wasted (pardon the pun).
