Who knows what the psychiatrist meant?  It could be that he said, "I really want the marriage to work!" and she said, "Are you sure?  Because your behavior is driving it away." 

But to me the red flag is that he thinks that he is drinking because he isn't getting enough sex or because his marriage isn't the way he wants it.  Drinkers drink because they drink.  Thousands of people have unhealthy marriages or no sex and they don't drink.  Sure, he's unhappy, and sure, he drinks because he thinks drinking will make him happier.  But real insight would see through that -- he can't tackle what's making him unhappy by drinking his way out of it.  The drinking just makes it worse, not better.  If he were a little further along in recovery, he would see that he's drinking because he's an addict, not because of X, Y, or Z.

So it sounds as if you are right to suspect that his recovery isn't very far along.  And you know what the saying is "He's going to do what he's going to do -- what are you going to do?"  I hope you have meetings, maybe a sponsor?  Harder times call for more support.  Take good care of yourself.

I think this sounds like an alcoholic talking. The issue is not to argue with it or wonder why the psychiatrist said it (because most probably they didn't).

Get the book Getting them Sober.

I hope you are taking care of yourself.

Maresie.

I am not sure what "works" for certain addicts. Certainly the issue of PTSD compicates things, depression is a necessary byproduct of addiction. So many addicts/ alcoholics have depresson as a core issue which they claim they self medicate.  I know smokers who do the same thing, claiming it is healthy for them to cough.  How is that possible?

My boundaries are stronger and stronger all the time.  I can well understand the issue of being a companion for someone for so many years and not being able to imagine life without them.  I moved 10,000 miles to be away from my family of origin.  That was the only way I knew how to separate myself from them.  I know if I had stayed in that enmeshment I would have just sucumbed to depression and not been able to function.

For so many of us when we are up against the wall with the alcoholic making a plan be is so helpful. That does not mean you "have" to leave but looking at all the issue in leaving makes it less of a fear factor and more of a informed choice.  I made an incredibly rudimentary plan be when I was with the ex A.  I stopped being so focused on what he said, what he did, where he was, what he was doing, what calamity was going to happen next.  I know he felt absolutely confused by it.  I also know that I stopped feeding into the fear of his absolutely destroying himself.   The ex a is still very much alive (although I do not know he is well) he functions on some level.  He didn't die when I left him as I presumed he would.  He found other people to enable him very very well and he continues to do that.     That abandonment issue was the core issue for me in leaving the ex A  I did not know how I would manage those feelings.  The ex A was fixated on his drug use so abandonment was not an issue for him and he of course made up some incredible stories about me and my destructive ways to anyone who would listen.  After I left him I took care of absolutely everything for him for months on end, housing, food, medication, gas the works.  Yet he managed to skew that into some colossal abuse story he was really quite ingenious in his own way.   

Maresie.

What Pink asks is a very relative question because once again I gotta go back to some seriously wise people here on the boards and ask .. if I knew nothing was going to change could I accept my situation as is vs trying to change someone else.

The volume of Getting Them Sober I'm thinking of is volume 4. It doesn't matter what a counselor says or anyone else for that matter they don't have to live in that situation and they don't hear the whole truth.

Hugs P :)