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Hi,
My partner is in AA and was off drink for about a year then slipped, lost license and has been slipping on and off for sometime.mshe continually lies about drink even when I have found the bottles( must stop searching, thought Inhad got over this). She is taking tablets that are supposed to make her sick, she even has an implant.....
But she still drinks not so much but just enough. I bought her some non alcoholic wine as she asked for this over Christmas and by mistake bought some berry drink mixed with wine about 4% alcohol. I notices and she said she would be fine drinking it and my head nearly exploded! How can she think this. At Alanon meetings it has been mentioned that this sort of complacency is dangerous.
Have two little kids and I can't have the drinking starting again..
Help.
I'm just going to point out the obvious here .. what do you mean starting again? It sounds like she's slip slid and jumped straight into a mix wine cooler. Not trying to be offensive just pulling off some of the veils of denial here from an outside observation of what you have shared.
She's drinking and now comes the hard part .. how are you going to take care of you?
There is a great book called Getting Them Sober, I hope you will check it out. As well as getting to a face to face meeting where you can focus on what you are doing or not doing to take care of you.
Hugs P :)
PS - Welcome and I hope you will keep coming back you are very very worth it!!
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thanks I'll have a check on the book. I have been going to weekly meetings for several months but have moved so I going to have to look arround for another group.
I am in denial in a sense putting off the inevitable but she has not had a drink for six days, which is good.
Sounds like someone that doesn't want to be sober much. You could be flabbergasted by her comments but, ultimately, it all boils down to the fact that she wants to get drunk. She can take the meds (antibuse) to show that she's sorta trying for you and the kids, but ultimately, it sounds like she just doesn't care about her sobriety that much.
I am not sure where that leaves you other than in a spot where you have to express your boundaries. It's true that you can't control her drinking, but you can express you boundaries to her and stick to them. You will feel better having done that, but you also have to be ready to back up what you say.
Aside from that, alanon meetings would greatly help.
Also, she is not showing complacency. She is showing indifference and denial. Complacency is when you have a program that is really working and you let up. She has been relapsing for quite some time. She's not working AA correctly at all. You have to be honest in working an AA program. Do you think she honestly told her AA sponsor or AA peers that she thought she'd be okay drinking wine with 4 percent alcohol in it? No. That's not complacency. It's denial and not working the AA program because she doesn't really want to be sober.
I think Christmas is a difficult time for alcoholics. Everyone else is drinking and they feel left out. So many of them have to go to a alcathon to get a sense of perspective.
I definitely did the obessive search stuff around the drugs and alcohol I know where that got me. I felt like I needed to know when I did all the time.
Detachment is such a hard thing to learn when you are up against such chaos and confusion.
I think it is so essential to reach out for support, care and understanding in order to lessen the obession.
