The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I sit here and worry about my son when there nothing I can do. It's been one of the hardest things to overcome. I read, journal and pray to God to help me let go because it won't help only make my day miserable. I come here and write in hopes it will help me a little.
At my age you would think that Bdays are over but when you will not hear from your loved one it makes you feel bad.
Worry only hurts me.....what good will it do. God help me to understand this defect.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3, 5-6
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I think the worry is the hardest part of the alanons plight. As a mom I can only imagine how much worse it would be if my A was my child Instead of my partner.
I just turn it over to My HP over and over somedays. It can be consuming if I allow it to be...I was disabled for several days a week ago by my worries and realized I just couldn't live like that anymore.. My worry made me physically hurt & ache.
I know this is so hard for you as a mom & I hope you will see that it does get better day by day of you allow it. The face2face meetings have been very helpful for me - to
See I am not alone in this and my A's behaviors are very typical of most alcoholics behaviors.
In many cases, all the worrying you do for him, stops him from worrying about himself. Nothing happens in God's world by mistake. It helps to believe that whatever is meant to happen is happening and that you will be okay regardless.
I don't want to say that it isn't entirely natural to worry about one's child. And if we get into a habit of worrying, we often have a subconscious sense that our worrying is keeping worse things from happening -- as if we're keeping the worse things at bay and so we must not let up on the worrying! I know especially women are prone to this (but not only women, of course). The typical mode is for women to brood and men to distract themselves. Both have their good and their bad sides. I tend to think that men could benefit from a little more brooding and women could benefit from a little more distracting themselves.
But even though worry is natural, I also remember the saying about "If we're overfocusing on one thing, we're underfocusing on something else." I know how easily I can get sucked into focusing on some external situation. In my case it keeps me from experiencing my own grief and depression and the changes I need to make in my own life, which are scary as heck. So I can keep myself spinning in circles worrying about things I can't control, so I don't think about the things I might control. I wonder if there's something you're underfocusing on in your own life.
Yeah, I agree with Mattie - When I spent time worrying too much about things and about other people, I was not being active in my own life. I was not exercising, going to church, going to enough meetings, being of service to others, and just enjoying what was good in the world. I let other's dictate my entire state of mind and happiness. Now it comes more from within and from my HP.
I used to cling to others to derive meaning in my life. If the entire meaning was being someone's partner or parent or whatever...I would not be existing in the rest of the world my HP has laid out for me.
Not to diminish how much anyone cares about their children, but adult children are either going to sink or swim. Some need to sink a long way before they start swimming. Lord knows I did.
I know this is your birthday and would just like to say that my prayer for you is that you experience the Serenity, Courage and Wisdom of this program on this your Special Day and all year through.
As I thought about how I worried,I discovered that in my insanity and from my growing up in an alcoholic home, I equated WORRYING ABOUT Someone as a form of loving them. If I worried it meant I cared . I can remember as a young child saying: "I hope no one ever loves me because it is such a pain to be loved".
Alanon taught me a new way to love and care for others without hurting myself. The most important things I can do for anyone is treat them with courtesy and respect, and to pray for them. The prayer helps them and me so it is a win win. As soon as I found myself pulling in the tool of worry I began to pray the serenity prayer and it works.
We are all works in progress One day at a time I pray for you and your family
Happy birthday Cathy, I wish I knew the right things to say. Sometimes it's ok to take the time to feel sad just put a timer on it. Then, imagine your son being wrapped up in a cosy duvet then give him to god. Then do something kind and special for you.x
