The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I spoke to my Aex for the first time in a fortnight. He is drinking again and has been for weeks. He is supposed to have our children for xmas dinner this year. This is the first time we have had xmas apart. I will be going to my sisters. Our youngest child is 15. I have been finding it very difficult to be in the company of my ex since I joined alanon 8 months ago. For a long time I felt pure anger like I have never felt before and sure enough this has surfaced in my dealings with him. We have very little contact. I dont feel so angry now but I know that I don't really want to have anything to do with him, hence the fact we are not spending xmas day together. Anyway, he called this morning and let me know I had really really hurt him as I dont want to spend the day with him and he is devestated and I (he says) dont are. He was slurring his words, anyway, my program went out the window and I told him I have lost too, stop feeling sorry for yourself, its not all about you, your brain is mush, your sick and on I went. I told him he had better give the kids a nice xmas or else. Well, now I feel bad. Have I given him another reason to sink deeper in the bottle? (I dont have power) Maybe he was planning in getting himself together in time for the xmas dinner and I have stopped that. Will our children have a really crap day now and I have contributed. I am tempted to tell them not to go. Feeling guilty. Words of wisdom would be appreciated.
You didn't cause it, you cannot control it, you cannot cure it. We all have our moments, especially this time of year those of us dealing with an alcoholic spouse. Take care and don't be so hard on yourself.
Sure he is hurt and upset that the Holiday celebration has changed. I wonder if he is capable of making a Christmas Day for the children and if it might not be best to reconsider the plans.
I know that your children and their Holidays are very important to you. From your posting, it certainly did not sound as if what you said was so terrible. We are human and you spoke your truth.
Thank you for your wise words. I decided to offer to have the children at mine, but it turns out he has got the Turkey and trimmings. So through the haze he seems to be somewhat organised. I think I will let
Go and let god deal with Xmas day.
el-see... We are just human. Trying to do & say the right thing in every situation is trying at best. I "went off" on my A a few nights ago as he was voluntarily going into a treatment center & I found out he'd drank abit before going. I shouldn't have been shocked - that's what they do, totally could have blew the entire process but Things happen & we can't alway be "on program" 24/4... No matter how hard we try.
Letting go & letting God is one of the most difficult Things I've ever done but I just keep trying even after I goof. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Go forward & enjoy the plans you have made, knowing God will take care of the rest!
