The material presented
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About 5 weeks ago, I kicked out my addicted son. We have not heard from him in weeks, but he texted and said he would like to "stop by" for Christmas. I really would like to see him, but I also do not want him to think he is allowed to stay here after that. How do I handle making sure he is clear that we would love to see him, but he is not welcome to stay without making Christmas dramatic? Any ideas is helpful. I do not want to be an enabler.
OK, I thought about this throughout the night and I believe I may have come up with an idea that would make ME happy that would not be enabling and would prevent drama. I text him back and agreed to meet him and his girlfriend with my spouse for breakfast at the local waffle house on Christmas morning. I feel better that I get to visit a little while with my son, and this prevents him being at my home where I may have to have him removed afterward. I am just not ready to have him home yet. Does this sound like a good idea? I do love him, I just do not want to be enabling him in any way. I am bringing my significant other as support for me. I also know a public place would prevent any outbursts from anyone. I know christmas at the waffle house is quite the "christmas adventure" but it was all I could come up with. :)
Sherristeele--this is such a difficult situation. Holidays can be wonderful, but when you are going through the processes you are going through, it can be lots of added stress. Your compromise to meet for breakfast sounds lovely in my opinion. You are able to connect with your son ON YOUR TERMS and still have a peaceful day without the stress and worry of chaos at your home. You are upholding your limits you set out for him when you asked him to leave your home, yet you are responding to his desires for contact. I wish for you a delightful Christmas breakfast and a serene day at home with the rest of your family. Hugs to you and Merry Christmas!
Great idea. Even though it was not related to an alcoholic my wife did this with my daughter when she moved out at 18 with a guy we hated and was abusive. They met once a week and my wife paid. When the daughter was ready to leave him and saw the light, she was comfortable enough to call us since we had maintained some form of relationship.
THANKS to everyone! Al-anon has been a sanity saver for me this Christmas. He did agree to meet us for breakfast under our terms. We now will see if he shows up. Thank you for the help and validation that I am doing the right thing.
