The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I can only say I didn't cry, I ddin't scream, I didn't get depressed I only prayed for God to help him. ( Thought he was doing good in AA ) I was mislead again.
AS told me things tonight that would in the past put me in the hospital but now I was OK.
He is very sick and not in his right mind and also to stop the alcohol without help is very dangerous but he said he can handle it.....I can only pray for him.
He wants to come see me, but I said no if your not sober. He said he would be and his sponsor will bring him up so we can all visit. Do sponsor's do that?
He says he still trying to quit drinking but it's so hard.
Right now he can't even stay sober for more than a few days. I don't know......
I think I'm losing him......
Good night and God bless you all
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Our AA Textbook says clearly that we favor hospitalization for the alcoholic who is jittery or befogged. We are available to work with the alcoholic when they have a lucid interval. Or we can drive them to detox. Sometimes I work with people who are still drinking but I have to see some willingness at some point otherwise I am supporting their drinking.
If you lower your expectations down to zilch and begin to accept what's going on with your son, you won't be affected as much. Keep practicing this and watch yourself being affected less and less - but in the right way, not by developing a stone cold heart and bitterness towards him (you're not doing that - it's just an example of the other type of detachment that isn't healthy.) Detaching with love is always best.
Please, Please stop beating yourself up and thinking you are not worthy. You are indeed worthy to be here and at any alanon meeting you care to attend. We begin alanon and find new tools. new ideas, new people who understand and are evidently in a better place. W e start to move forward using their tools and that IS FANTASTIC. We begin to see that we have options and begin to take care of ourselves. All good stuff. Then the alcoholic does not follow what we believe will happen and we get thrown back into old behaviors. That is very human!!!
Change is difficult and takes time. There is no grades or failing in the program. We are all learning and "practicing these principles in all our affairs-- One Day at a Time" You have attended meetings, read your literature, connecting with others and share your heart. All this is a part of changing.
You are a mother who loves her son and who is fearful that this disease is killing him. Agreeing to see him during the Holiday season is not a mistake or a failure. .
Please be gentle with yourself and know you are not alone and that there are no right or wrong answer.
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 20th of December 2012 06:16:59 PM
I would say the same thing that WorkingThroughIt said. You are not "losing him" persay. He's BEEN lost to alcholism for a very long time. Just pray for his recovery but don't expect it.
He also never really stopped drinking. When he is REALLY in recovery, you'll know. Until then, you don't have to play any type of detective. It may be that he needs to put a few sober months together before you trust him anything like you used to. That's your boundary to decide. A few days not drinking then going back is not really ever being sober.
I'm not seeing you as failing. You could see him everyday if that was your boundary that you were okay with. Seeing him and having him around isn't enabling. It's only a problem as it pertains to your own serenity. You can love him, visit him, but let go of his addiction. There is nothing you have done wrong.
I am guessing most of us on this site have given in at times but the key is to pick yourself up and trudge on. I know that after years of being an enabler and codependent, I am making progress and it is very liberating. My son is also banned from the house for drinking but I have invited him for Christmas Day. I feel it is an opportunity to remind him that he has a family that loves him and will welcome him home to stay once he works his AA program and gets sober.
I have call a friend of mine who has help me understand and he also said to quit the beating myself up and I'm not a failure. You are all so right and I just not trusting my decisions. He is like my temporary sponsor. I'm going to a meeting tonight and ask for a sponsor and if that doesn't happen I will continue to other meetings until I find one.
I made the decision with God's help and good AA members ( son's sponsor and my friend ) to attending Friday nights AA speaker meeting. After we attended the meeting we are talking afterwards. I'm OK with it no matter what my counselor says. I want to do this.
My friend just asked me if my son keeps calling and I'm upset with it I should just let him know that he is loved but I am only this mother and can't help... that he should be calling his sponsor or my friend. He said my health/sanity is more important now. I need to continue to take care of me and only me.
You all keep telling me this but I continue to lose my way. But your all right and this is a journey that will have it's ups and downs....no failures....no mistakes.....only learning and trusting in God to help me daily. Now if I can't remember this....My disease is just as bad as my son's in many ways.
Thank God for MIP and Al-anon......I pray someday I too will be on the right path to happiness.
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
You can't be perfect Cathy. Try working through the steps. Step 4 is helpful as it makes you see your good and bad points, then forgive yourself and let go of guilt. I find it clears my mind and I can pick myself up. Try to enjoy Xmas with your son, you deserve it.
