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here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I sat down and told my AH: He has started breakin boundaries I have set. I see personality traits developing in our son that are not healthy(I gave examples And how they mimmicted my AH behaviors)
1-I said there will be no alcohol or drinking at this house. My son doesn't need to think its ok since he's chances of developing this is so high
2-He can be nice and pleasant to be around me or he can live at our camp and we can pretend to be a couple for family events, I am not looking for another person and if he wants to we can divorce
3-if he wants to stay here and isn't pleasant or brings alcohol or shows up drunk I will file for divorce and the choice is out of his hands
4- if he wants to divorce - we can share a lawyer or get our own and fight in court
All these options ... I am fine with whatever one you choose and now while you think about it I am finishing Christmas shopping and you can let me know when you decide.
And I said thx for listening and I walked out to shop.
I never cried and he sat and listened in disbelief.
When I got home he said he wanted to be nice and not drink at home or bring "it" around our son. Anyway we'll see but I felt way better!!
-- Edited by sweeetr on Monday 17th of December 2012 02:52:58 PM
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
Ok now the hard part - stick to it because you can! It feels so good when we honor what we deserve in our lives. Follow through, no matter how hard. If something needs to change up or down, then work through that if you get there but you deserve your boundaries honored.
Yay sweetr...Good work, like strongerme says, you have set your boundries now you gotta stick with it. For me setting them and telling my abf was the hard part, once set it was easy to follow through with them, and in honesty he has tried to stretch them, but I have asked him to leave and he now accepts that I won't back down. Its easier when they have somewhere else to go. like kids they need boundries and you backed up the reasons why you needed to set them. Go Girl :)
Simone x
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
I THINK I am finally at a point I can say leave now... or even file if he wont leave.. I really am tired of this insanity. To deal with the things that come if He moves out will at least not be going around in a circle with no progress !!
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
... he feels like hes getting flu or sick.... (no fever) so I figure starting withdrawl-side effects. I just say I hope you feel better soon... course Im not stupid. He had to go ck on grandmas house the other day (its vacant, and made sure no break ins since neighbors had one) and he came back feeling better .. but thats HIS business.. it didnt involve me and/or effect me !
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
Congrats on deciding what will and won't work for you. Agreed on the part about sticking to the boundary is the hardest part. You will be tested because this is just how it works .. did they really change or are they just saying that stuff comes up.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
