I experienced something that I have never experienced before in my life last night. I sat in our local courthouse & listened to over 350 names read that have passed away over the years in my community. One special thing happened that I will cherish the rest of my life. My dad never lived up here but they said it was OK to have his name mentioned & I was given a ribbon w/ his name on it from the tree of memories. I cried the whole time but afterwards, I realize that it was OK. I ended up attending an open AA meeting afterwards that took me from a place of sorrow & grief , to moments of laughter & a total change for me. I am so grateful that the subject was changed from me to others. That is the way it should be that it is not all about me. I am glad that I can hold it together these days. I have the program & my HP to thank for all that I am today. Yeah, I have character defects & really strange habits sometimes. Last night I started(when I got home) to put myself down again. I guess my character can be tested sometimes. I am not perfect but I see things in others that I don't like in myself. There are people in my town that have issues that I can handle but other people are not very accepting. I am more likely to accept a lot of people today--I am no better than anyone else.

So, I started my evening w/ some sadness & ended it w/ a little pity party. I am human but I need to accept myself better. I am not always going to like what I do, but I can change some things that I can. I hope that some of you can relate to some of this. I want to enjoy the rest of this holiday season w/o regret & intolerance of myself. I am not sure exactly what I mean. Bear w/ me.

Kathleen