The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I ask the same question. My father is also manipulative and emotionally abusive and now that i am older i see that i have some of those same traits and i hate it. It is especially hard around the holidays. My father controls my mother and she is not allowed to talk to me, her daughter, openly. I have very little sense of family, few friends and was brought up in a pretty cold "suck it up" type of family. I wish i was different, but its so hard when you were taught to not trust people. I have had people turn their backs on me when i needed them most (so-called friends) which doesn't help my trust issues. I would love to disconnect with my parents but they are raising kids i want in my life. Resentments are mounting to say the least.
Welcome both of you. There are no 1 right set of answers. C, you hit upon many of the tools folks choose in terms of setting up boundaries, but you have to do what is right by you and your higher power. Alanon meetings, membership, step work will give you a support network and a place where you can feel loved and where your spirit can heal from the damage inflicted upon it by this disease. From there, you can make empowered decisions about how to handle the alcoholic in your life. Hope that helps. Please keep coming back here too. Already you see you are not alone because you motivated 1 other person who had never posted here to share their story too. That's how it works. Together WE are much stronger than alone.
Welcome to MIP! We are told not to give advice but to share our experience, strength and hope. From my experience, I have to limit my time with offensive people. Having been in the Alanon program for many years, I am learning to turn my resentments into to understanding. Many of us come from less then nurturing homes and have no idea how to treat other people. Sometimes our family of origin is not a safe place. Keep coming back. You will learn alot in Alanon.
Thanks for your responses. I deal the best i can and i hate how easily i can and do walk away from people. Sometimes i think i should care a lot more about others than i do or ever will. Not sure it's in me. I just wasn't brought up with compassion. The holidays are so hard as i see them as a time when people that are normally a$$holes suddenly want to be caring and giving and have parties and get together only to talk about you later. It's the most 2-faced time of year imo. I can't deal very well with it. And then there are all the perfect families out there that i can only compare mine too. It is so hard for me to go to Al-Anon meetings too, i tried and then people start judging (and they do judge, especially away from the "group") and i feel that i can't put myself out there to be treated like that.
