The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I can totally relate to you. I also was looking for ways to avoid my son because wanting to detach and not enable anymore. Over these last few weeks I have learned new tools to help me on how to take care of me and turn my son over to my HP. First thing I did was stop the enabling completely. Then when I did decide to talk to him I just listen.....listen. No advice...no telling him what to do...nothing. I would hear the poor me but in return came " I'm sorry son" I'm confident you can work this out" then left it there.
The learning started for me when I finally realized I can't change the alcoholic but I can change ME. With Al-anon and MIP I'm able to detach more day by day ( with love ).
I found out last night my son attended a AA meeting and already has a sponsor. My son has come to learn he will be sleeping on the streets if he doesn't do something because mom is not stepping in anymore. My son must suffer the pain....not me.
I love my son dearly with all my heart and it hurts so much to see him going through this....but I don't have the power to fix it.
You and your son are in my prayers... Cathy
-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Thursday 13th of December 2012 09:36:05 AM
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
my A son recently lost everything due to his alcoholism. his wife, his kids and now his great job. (he went to a meeting at work intoxicated) he continues to drink excessively. i am finding excuses not to spend time with him. i am just so angry at him and this ugly disease. he has tools to use to help him start recovery but is not ready to use them.
i am afraid if i see him i will not be able to detatch. i am not up to hearing the "poor me's" or listening to his sob story. i honestly don't know what to say to him. i know i can't fix it. emotionally i feel like i am doing okay. i just don't have any words for him.
I don't think it's unusual to keep someone at bay when they are in self-destruct mode. Sometimes the best and most loving thing we can do is give them space to work through things or not work through them on their own.
Are you sure you are finding excuses not to spend time with him, or that you have just ceased checking up on him? Those are 2 very different things.
When I knew my behavior was not going to be loving and tolerant, I had to stay away. It was the best I could do to keep my side of the street clean, that is what I am responsible for. You're okay, my friend.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
This is helpful, my AH is sober again, but this time I don't feel like taking him back right away, feel that if he comes home he gets comfortable, will stay sober for 6-9 mos, attend a couple meetings then boom, on another hateful, mean spirited binge. Talked to him for the first time-but just listened-maybe some time on his own will help him face his demons.
