The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I can just feel your frustration and discouragement on my end. I'm glad you have reached out because we don't have to live that way anymore - they act and we react. You mention you are sick of it, and I relate to that, I got sick of it too. I am grateful al-anon taught me that my life could still be peaceful. imagine that. In a nutshell, that is all I ever wanted.
It is entirely possible she may be suicidal. what can you do about that? I'm sorry if I seem detached, but I have been there, my brother in law killed himself, and in the last month, my sponsees cousin killed himself, along with his pregnant wife. addiction is indeed, a path that some people take. and there is nothing I can do about it.
Find your local meetings, keep reaching out, you never have to do this alone again ((hugs))
-- Edited by glad lee on Saturday 8th of December 2012 02:57:53 PM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I hear you .In answer to your question I guess about 40 ER visits,10 detoxs 3 rehabs, and about 30 outpatient Dr. visits . Within 5 years from beginning of the first detox to the end of the madness ,he passed away.
I still miss him everyday
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 8th of December 2012 05:14:01 PM
Well, it's my qualifier's birthday and my mom took her to the E.R. again. Here's a question: how many times have you taken your alcoholic to the E.R.? Ten? Twenty? Thirty? Forty? Fifty? Sixty? I have lost track. When she drinks, she drinks suicidally. Then at some point a few days later, once she has lost control of her bowels/urine/can't stop vomiting, etc. she starts to get scared that she is actually going to die. And off we go to hospital/detox again. It's a revolving door and I'm sick of it. I'm so sick of it.
If you have lost a loved one to alcohol, I am wondering: how many years into their disease did it take them to die? Because at this point, I'm just waiting.
For me it took at least 30 times over the last 3 years to stop taking him. Over the last couple of weeks I decided to stop and guess what...he found a way to get himself to and from the hospital/detox centers. Like your qualifier mine also didn't have the means or money to continue the alcohol to keep him stable so he becomes very very sick. I was his savor each time so he could become stable enough and go back to drinking after the crisis.
He didn't die like I thought he would if I didn't help. He helped himself.
I'm letting go and letting my HP take over.
Others will post valuable information that you can take and use to help YOU and your mother.
You are in my thoughts right now and I know what your going though.
Prayers coming your way and also help if you so choose.
(((( hugs ))))) Cathy
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I too got sick of the hospitals, the detoxes, the rehabs. I made a rule about a year ago that I would no long accompany my AH to any of these places anymore, I wouldn't call 911 anymore and I wouldn't assist in calling the insurance company, the counselors, etc., to help him get things sorted out. I've had a mixed result, including me having to move out into another apartment to keep myself from going crazy with worry and panic. I am turning the focus around on me - I have a life that is worthwhile and my job was suffering from the sleepless nights and the days off for medical stuff. Now we spend some time together and we're getting to know each other again, even though he is still binge drinking from time to time. I have established some healthy boundaries that I am enforcing (sometimes almost forcefully) and although it sometimes leaves me feeling lonely and grief-stricken, I am learning to live without imposing guilt on myself and rendering myself miserable. I hope that you can find the path that you need to bring you closer to happiness, peace and serenity. Keep trying - it's out there.
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--Mare
Grateful member of Al Anon
"Live in and for the day, each and every day, starting right now."
Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D., "Marriage on the Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and
an Alcoholic."
I'm not relating cause I was truely the fixer...I didn't take my alcoholic/addict to any hospitals and kept her to myself to fix. Yes there were times when others did...like the police or 911 calls and the like and not me. Sad condition I was in and even one eveing when she fell and had a concussion and should have been taken to the emergency I took her home to fix her myself. I'm Glad that my HP was abiding with us both at that time because of the near fatal consequences. Another part of the consequences was when she went to therapy for the physical consequences of the fall I advised "told" the doctors "under no circumstances were they to wipe her down with alcohol when they were finished with the treatment". Of course two PHDs' are gonna listen to little ole me and they did it any way..."Jerks"!!...She went into shock and they didn't know what to do and she told them "please go get my husband...he'll know" and they came to me in the waiting room on the q.t. and told me to come right away. I knew then what they had done and they told me she was in spasm on her right side and immobile on her left...rigid and so they left me with her and when she came out of the reaction to the alcohol wipe down we were escorted out of the clinic...thru the back door. I was sooo pissed the only safety line they and we had was Al-Anon which was the only program there. Alcohol isn't only a mind and mood altering chemical and it doesn't only need to be consumed by drinking in order to get into a persons system...It can pass thru the epiderma (skin) and get in that way also. Glad I ws there to help and I don't ever want to see that happen again because it is gruesome and frightening. Mahalo ke Akua...thank you God for abiding us then and always. (((((hugs)))))
I'm so sorry that your qualifier is in the horrific cycle of drinking until severe consequences, getting a well enough to be free, then repeating it all over again. You can see from your responses that this is sadly a picture of chronic alcoholism that we are all too familiar with. My AH died 5 years after his alcoholism brought me to this site, about 6 years of compulsive drinking. I honestly don't know how many ER visits (too many to remember), but I can recall 2 in-patient rehabs, 4 out-patient rehabs, 1 psych ward visit and one helicopter ride to save his life from a massive brain bleed, followed by 6 weeks in-patient at a rehab and and out-patient rehab therapy for the stroke after effects. A week after he was released he began drinking again.
Recovery, institutionalization or death. These are the options for our dearly loved, but deeply affected alcoholics.
I learned from my journey that I had absolutely no impact on his outcome. Try as I might to be the one to propel him into recovery, nothing I did worked. It took me a long time to understand that it wasn't up to me. But rather something between my love and his Higher Power.
The best I could do was try and live my life the best way I could. That included working the steps of alanon - there hasn't been a better self- care program in my experience. Alanon helped me learn to have compassion for my husband, helped me set boundaries I was comfortable with in dealing with my husband's illness (including that I would feed, cloth, get medical assistance and recovery options if he requested them, but I would not buy alcohol, take him to buy alcohol etc). It also helped me prepare for losing him. I knew in my heart that he had it bad. I believed his flavor of the disease was going to be hard to beat. I always held not hope, but I prepared for the worst.
I hope that you will be able to take good care of yourself, and that your qualifier reaches out for help and can stick with it.
My son is that type of drinker that he will drink so much to the point of illness and or death. I also truly believe that my enabling him he didn't have to pay any price for it. I took him to hospitals, detox and rehabs. I paid rent, food and anything he needed. Now just starting but I will do NOTHING TO HELP HIM. He is already feeling the effects of this. If he doesn't get help, a job and start taking care of himself he will be homeless plain and simple. He doesn't even have money for alcohol unless he pawns and or sells what he has left...mom will not step in anymore.
I am now trying to take care of me......yes I'm very worried about him.....but what is better......killing him slowly now with what I'm do....which didn't work...or letting him either die or seek help. He can make that decision now.
It's not easy believe me but it can be done.
Take care my friend
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
My heart goes out to you. This disease will suck us all dry unless we change the things we can. Meetings, stepwork, MIP and my sponsor helped me to change me (attitdues, behaviors, routines, reactions, my need to fix and more) for the better. I can now dettach and have healthy boundaries and rarely do my A's ruin my serenity these days, although at times they do slip in and I learn a new skill each time. I am sorry you feel this way and I hope you can read and dive into your program to help get through this. Sending you much love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
