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police just called and woke us up...my niece called them...she said a serial killer was after her...her mother gave the police our number( really? Why?). I told them she was an alcoholic, they thought she was mentally ill. How could her mother not have told them? They took her to jail to sober up...I prob would have gone over to her apt, but my husband reminded me of our resolve to force her to deal with it...when she calls tomorrow afternoon asking us to pick her up, what do we do? We let her figure that out, right? Or do we pick her up and take her to a meeting?
Maybe we should let her call her sponsor?
I don't think I understand the entire situation -- the police took her to jail because she was drunk? Or was she causing some trouble while drunk? Even being drunk enough to think someone is after you is not a crime in itself, so it sounds to me as if something else must have been going on.
Al-Anon advises us not to do anything for adults that they could do for themselves. (This means adults with addictions -- not stuff like handing someone the salt!)
I don't know if your niece has mental-health issues even apart from alcoholism. Unfortunately alcoholism looks a lot like mental illness in itself. Both alcoholism and mental illness aren't curable by other people, sadly. And we need a lot of support in dealing with people who have them.
So the experience of thousands of people has shown me that going over to her apartment to help her wouldn't have been of any help, sad as it is. And unless she has already shown signs of wanting recovery, and starting to go for it, then driving her to a meeting won't make any difference either. But if she already has a sponsor, that would be an excellent person for her to call. She undoubtedly has the number and knows how to make the call already.
The saying "Let Go and Let God" can be so helpful. It sounds as if your niece has all the faculties necessary to be on a road to recovery if that's what she's decided she wants. If she hasn't decided, that would be up to her and her Higher Power. Trying to intervene is just a lesson in pain and frustration.
I hope you'll take care of yourself -- maybe a meeting for you ?
Sorry, I posted several days ago about my niece...she had been going to meetings and drying out, or pretending to , and telling my husband and me All the things we wanted to hear, but lying and continuing to drink and even bringing vodka here to our home when she spent the night...we told her to leave, an d to let us know when she was sober, and then maybe we would help
We heard from her a couple of times, incl today, we listened to her message--god, she sounded like foster brooks! And now the police called bc they were there with her...they weren't arresting her, just taking her into custody for her own protection...
When I have been at open AA meetings sometimes they turn into a round table discussion and something that came up was until no one else would enable them that was the only thing that truly brought them to their bottom.
Your original post you stated letting her figure it out on her own and sometimes the only way to go up is from the first step of the bottom of the stairs. No one gets sober because of anyone else .. they get sober because they are sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I never did my STBAX any favors by covering for him. In fact I probably made things a whole lot worse.
As I have learned about addiction and alcoholism I have found a comfort in really getting it's not about me and how much of a disease it really is, the best book out there (I think ) is Under the Influence, I can't think of the authors name however it goes through everything in terms of what it means to be an addict and how it physically affects the brain.
Keep coming here, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Sarah, usually when the police take someone into custody for their own protection (at least here in Florida) that results in an involuntary 72 hour committment to the psych ward. Thinking a serial killer if after you is not a typical alcoholic behavior. It is common to get paranoid like that on drugs though. Either way, mental health evaluation would be indicated.
You don't have to be the one to do this or facilitate it though. Her sponsor would probably be able to tell her the same.
I think her sponsor is better equipped to deal with her. Too much past history in my opinion for you to deal with her when she is like this. Bottom line is this... all of these things are her having issues and dealing with HER problem. She needs to work her program. You work on YOUR recovery, not hers. If she really wants to get to a meeting and already has a sponsor, I'm sure she can find a way that isn't you.
thanks so much for your response, it is certainly easier to deal with this stuff in the light of day...so far I have not heard from her, although she did leave a message for a good friend...maybe she knows we won't answer her. the policeman last night seemed to think they would keep her until this afternoon, not necessarily for 72 hours. she called from her cell phone when she called my friend...so she has that. so sad, but if we are doing it this way, then we will endeavor to do it right!
I love tag-teaming...your husband coming to your wrestling match and helping you pin the problem. (get these pictures sometimes of whats going on...so work with the metaphor) LOL. Letting go absolutely was a hard lesson for me to learn to do with my alcoholic/addict wife and it took me a long time to get it and then I took the time, worked the program and "got it". Al-Anon is about choices...alternatives in behaviors and "tough love" is one of them. When I learned "tough love" I also learned to "turn her over to God" the one of my understanding then and over time..."God's" time my alcoholic/addict wife got into recovery...rehab and then the program of AA and it was all happening when I wasn't watching and standing in line willing to fight her next foe...I quit. Police are part of her story as they are with so many people involved in this disease...both non-drinker and drinker. They weren't called because of you and they came because of her choices...she has alternative choices always and for that she is responsible.
You and your husband have done program good. Keep coming back. (((((hugs)))))
