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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Don't know what to expect
Post Info TOPIC: Don't know what to expect
Jerry F


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Don't know what to expect
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Aloha Juliann and welcome to the board also..."Expect nothing" worked for me also after I learned what it meant and how to work it.  Self focus ...expectations of self...was key and had to be learned.  I learned that in the face to face rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups.  The hotline number is in the white pages of your local telephone book...call it and find out where and when we get together in your area.  It is sooo important to be there and to get the support you need from a fellowship who has been and has done where and what you are at now.

Stick with the MIP board also cause this family is made up of many many Al-Anon members.   Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile

Oh and by the way "Expect nothing" says that if he acts the way he always has you won't be surprised and if he doesn't you will be pleasantly surprise.

 



-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 6th of December 2012 07:51:44 PM

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Juliann


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I have been with my husband for 12 years.  He was an alcoholic before we got together. Throughout the years he began to be an unmanageable alcoholic. Meaning he no longer worked a real job. Only helped out family/farmers for money.  Would sleep until 2-3pm everyday and stay up late. our youngest is 4 months old and I would occasionally get calls from my 16 year old daughter while I was at work telling me that my husband was yelling at our baby.......He has for many years been verbally abusive to all the kids and myself.  My last sraw was when he threatened to get physical with my 16 year old daughter.  I offered treatment and family or alcohol and no family.  He chose treatment and is currently 12 days sober at treatment.  I am scared and dont know what to expect when he comes home.  We have never been together when he was sober.....



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canadianguy


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Hi there, and welcome to MIP - glad you found us....

The best advice I was ever given, by my wise old sponsor, is to expect nothing...

Your focus is best put on YOU, and your two children right now - try to make sure you are doing things, making decisions, etc., that are for YOUR own good, and help out with YOUR respective recoveries....  In this way, it becomes less relevant 'what to expect' when he comes home.....

He will either drink (or come back from treatment nice, sad, happy, or mad) or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?

 

Choose recovery.... for you

Keep coming back
Tom



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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
Aloha


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Welcome Juliann

Have you been to any face-to-face Al-Anon meetings yet? I'd encourage you to get to at least six as close together as possible so you can get a good feel for the program and see if it fits well with you. This online message board is great, too - but for me, it's no substitute to an actual meeting where I can be face-to-face with other members.

You can find information on local meetings here:

http://al-anon.alateen.org/how-to-find-a-meeting

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Breakingfree


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I too hope you can find face to face meetings and I am glad you found us at MIP. The book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews was a great read. Sending you love and support on your journey!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Zimmy


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Hi glad you found, us, as canadian guy mentioned, expect nothing, for me when my abf admitted he had an alcohol problem, my expectations were high and there have been a couple of times when i have been disappointed. Read as much as you can about al-anon there is some great al-anon litrature around, also for me setting boundries was a key thing, and sticking to them, say what you mean and mean what you say. when it comes to alcoholics expect nothing! Take care of you and focus on you, and listen to your gut feeling and getting to a face to face meeting if possible.

In support

Simone



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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
hdftby100


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Yes I echo what others have said. Expect nothing. But you need to be prepared to follow through on your boundaries you set if he crosses them. If you set the boundary of him that if he drinks, no family. Stick to your boundary if it happens. One day at a time, though. Focus on today and you will figure out tomorrow when it comes. Hoping for the best for YOU.

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