The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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So I hope this is appropriate for this forum. I'm just looking for some ideas. My husband is an alcoholic/adict. He's unemployed and doed not have is own savings or income. When he relapses he will steal my money. I cannot keep credit or debit cards because he will use them. Cash of course is easy to steal, he has even stolen from our infant son's piggy bank. Now I'm learning he writes checks as well. I don't know what to do! How can I protect my money? Does anyone have any ideas or ways they use to protect their money. I have thought of putting a lock on my purse but I thought that was a little extreme... I will do it if I have to.
Aloha Sassy...My awakenings were rude when dealing with my alcoholic/addict wife's ability to steal. Had I known a head of time I would have had charges files against her. Today I suggest that the family and spouse do what they would normally do if the thief, cheater,...actually law breaker...was someone else. I would not hesitate to do that today. Keep reading ...and coming back. ((((hugs))))
The best responses come from within the face to face meetings and you can find them by calling the hotline number to Al-Anon in the white pages of your local telephone book.
You need to move your money to an account he can't access and then you have to make sure he can't get to your checks or credit cards. You can give him an allowance if need be. If you have to lock it up, do it. He doesn't have the right to spend all of your money and steal from you and your kids. You have to protect them if nothing else. I met with a lawyer and that is what she recommended to me.
I would agree with SuzanneSC that you need to take care of yourself and the rest of your family. Of course, you know you need to do this but don't know how because you are a nice wife and want to be fair to your hubby. But if he is stealing and spending money that is needed for his family, he is not being fair to you.
I have my own account at the bank that my hubby does not have access to. I also have a stock account that I put inheritance money into. Even though my hubby is in recovery I do not trust him to blow through my inheritance money to buy himself new cars or toys. I am keeping my money safe for MY rainy day.
You need to take care of yourself. There is no one else but yourself.
I hope you can make it to some face to face al-anon meetings and I am glad you found us here at MIP. There are a number of great al-anon books out there to read also. I am sending you much love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I have a son who is mentally ill. He used to steal from me. I had to lock up my money. Get a lock box with a difficult code - or a key but I warn you if it's a key it must be on you at all times. Otherwise don't keep cash which is unfortunate but for now this is reality and what we wish for, will not do us any good. I had to learn that with my son, no amount of trying to get him to understand his actions ever stopped him so I had to protect myself.
I have seen smaller lock boxes that have a combination code. They go for about $50-$75 and mainly you can find them at a sporting goods store. Alot of people use them for guns storage but really can be for anything. The reason I say keypad is you can change the code if you like and there is no extreme searching the house by him for a key. Don't use an obvious code as he will most likely try to figure it out. You can even find smaller ones that you can put in a vehicle. There is a key override for when the battery dies, so I would store that maybe at work or a relative or friend's house so you can get it once this happens (WAY down the road).
I think you have gotten great ESH .. something I would highly encourage you to do as well is have that emergency fund for you and only you. You never know when push comes to shove and what desperate people will or won't do .. sounds a little paranoid however when I found my STBAX rifling through the kids piggy banks I knew things were very wrong and I wish I had taken more of a proactive approach in protecting us down the road.
The other thing is too .. they will steal they will lie and they will cheat when active in whatever disease it is .. and it doesn't matter who it is from or what it is .. I have some wild stories about that.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
