The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Got a call from my son telling me is done and put himself into the hospital again. He has done this many times so we will see if he means it this time. He thought he could be put in a 30 day program but they told him no and will be sending him to detox only. He was shocked but I guess after many times going to the hospital and not helping himself after getting out they give up. Last time he was in the hospital the social worker asked if he would go to a 30day day program and he declined.....now the option is not there.
I want to tell him he might have burned bridges with the system and if he really wants help he should seek out that help everywhere he can and earn it this time. He says he wants the help now.....said all the sayings and quoted the 1st. step.
He was crying and crying that he had hit his bottom....we will see.
Should I say anything at this point to him about him burning bridges and it just going to be harder.....no soft landings anymore? Of should I just keep my mouth shut.
He is so sick and confused he doesn't know what he is doing......just upset he can't get the help HE wants..
If nothing else please say a little pray for me....I need it and so does he
Cathy
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I was taught to ask myself what my motive is. What would be your motive for telling him anything MORE at this point, that he doesn't probably already know? If he is indeed ready for recovery, if he is at his bottom, I know for me, it never helped when my family shook their finger at me. another swift kick while I was already down, did not help. You can ask yourself how you might feel if the situation were the reverse, the Golden rule.
My suggestion is to put your son in your God Box, let God have him. and when he contacts you, you can take the attitude, "my poor baby. my poor poor baby." because that is what works for me. Love. that's all my kids really want from me, and I also have a habit of saying to them, "I have every confidence in YOU to work it out." rather than doubt them and their ability to be an adult. I don't have to give them anything more than my ear and my shoulder to cry on as they learn their mistakes. the hard way sometimes.
Prayers for all, my friend.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I hope this is his rockbottom and is now ready to help himself. I have read many of your post and I think you have done so well setting your boundries and detaching. You never know he now knows Mummy isnt going to give him the soft landing and its up to him. You are doing so well.
In my opinion by telling him he may have burnt bridges because he hasnt worked with the social/medical teams in the past may not help the situation. Do you know for a fact that they will not help him because he hasnt taking the help in the past or is your opinion? Will it help him? Those are the questions I think i would be asking myself. What will you achieve by telling him your view on the matter? Will it help him? I would check my motives, are you trying to force him to do things your way?
You passed him over to his higher Power, now get out the way and let him work. Thats only my opinion, and I know its hard.
Much love and support and your both in my prayers
Simone x
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
Love your response Cathy, sounds incredibly hard, but you are getting supplied with the right tools for the job at hand. A God box has save me from taking on more than I can control/handle many times. You are being honest and working a great recovery program for yourself. I hear lots of growth just since you found MIP. Keep up the great work!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Cathy, it's not about being right or wrong, my friend, don't start beating yourself up. it's about "the wisdom to know the difference." and you're there, you have made some major progress. you're learning that you are powerless, nothing you have done in the past has helped him, because YOU can't, you just don't have that kind of power. None of us do. as long as I stay (like a good little doggie) in my powerlessness and remember WHO has all the power, and keep trusting that power, I do okay.
My kids are on their own journey, separate from mine. they gotta figure out their own journey, just as I do. it's takes a LOT of pain for anyone to want recovery (including al-anons) we all have to hate our lives soooooooo much before we will go to any lengths to hear the message that will bring peace. the important thing for us al-anons, is to not allow ourselves to be emotionally hooked, letting their disease trigger our disease. but the more I work on my own recovery, the more "insurance" I take out, that that won't happen. I had to learn to stop the enmeshment with my kids, my attachment to them, telling God, "I will only be well if my kids are well."
they are God's, not "mine," is a much better attitude for me to take. I can't. God can. I think I will let Him.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Tough stuff Cathy, and you've already received a lot of good E,S&H on your post....
Remember - active A's don't need in-house treatment to get better.... All they need is the will, and commitment to their program of recovery (typically through AA).
Wishing both you AND your son all the best
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Sending lots of hugs and support your way. Prayers are on the way.
Hugs P
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I got sober without rehab. I went to many meetings, found a sponsor, worked the steps. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but the thing I wanted more than anything else in my whole life at the time. People have been getting sober with only AA for years. It can be done. AA is what sustains sobriety for the long run anyhow, not rehab (that's just what I've observed).
Cathy , you are working so hard, congrats on that! all of your posts help immensely with my though ts about my Aniece. the police called from her apt last night...they took her in to let her dry out. I am sure she will call this afternoon asking for a ride home...I am already arguing with myself about whether I should do that. my husband keeps asking, but is this gonna help? to just ignore her? doesn't she need love and attention that she never got growing up? ones this aa/al anon stuff work??? I keep telling him some of the stories on here, but he is still questioning...
