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So tonight I realized just how much my mother drinks. Here is the story. She has been an alcoholic for years. She almost died three years ago from it and quit drinking and was very healthy. The begining of this year I was diagnosed with cancer and that is when her spiral began. My brother and I began noticing the signs and would ask her. She denied it. She even denied it tonight, right before I called 911 because she had vomited on herself while asleep and was choking on it. It was just fate that my husband and I were still awake watching tv. (She lives with us right now) We couldn't wake her up, good thing growing up around nurses I knew well enough to turn her head so she stoped choking. When we finally were able to wake her, she couldn't sit up and we had to help her. She didn't know she had vomited and refused to believe it. After 5 minutes of slurred speach and trying to lay back down in her vomit, we got her up to clean up. She stumbled into the bathroom, and I asked her if she had been drinking tonight, she said no. And I hadn't seen any beer cans out tonight so I assumed she hadn't. After she fell into the bathroom door and hit her hear badly, she admited there was something wrong and wanted to go to the hospital. But I couldn't take her as i was worried something was seriously wrong as I hadn't seen her drinking and didn't want to risk something happening in my car on the way to the ER. So I called 911. Took her to there. They were worried there was something wrong with her brain, as they were going off my history of no presumed alcohol today. Did blood work, glucose check, x-rays, and CT scan. The doctor came in and informed us everything but one test came back normal. Her BAC. It was .338. I was stunned. Now after two hours of pacing in my driveway because I couldn't come back in the house where she is passed out on the couch because I am so angry, hurt and I don't know what else. I have a 5 year old child and can't have this extent of drinking in my house around my child. I don't know if this was right, but I looked in her car as I was worried she had alcohol in there. She did. 7 plastic bags full of beer cans and vodka, and a half empty bottle of vodka. I don't know where to go from here. I can't have this in my house with my child and I can't handle the stress as I am still recovering from cancer treatment. Any help would be great. Like I said, I just don't know where to go from here. I'm afraid she will lose her job, her car, and be arrested for DUI.
this is a really tough situation to be placed in z .. i wish i had the answers but the only thing i know is the answers (for us to personally deal with the emotional, mental effects, etc .. ) are going to alanon .. the solutions are different for all of us .. one thing i might try is attending an AA meeting to ask others if they have had this experience.. i have learned in alanon that we learn by experience and if we haven't experienced it we can't know anything about it .. i have no experience with an alcoholic mother staying with me but i guarantee those in AA just might .. they have probably lived it and seen it all ..
Your 5 year old needs you and agreed, she needs to be the priority right now .. My heart goes out to you through your cancer treatments; stress will not help the healing process .. there might even be some information to gain surfing the web for aa message boards but the best bet i would think would be attending an open meeting .. sometimes online is not the same as face to face .. sometimes wisdom there but sometimes onliners have never been to face to face and therefore are limited in the help they can give .. maybe try asking if there are those in AA sponsoring at the moment and what they might advise ..
i'm sure others will be along to give more input .. Youre in my prayers tonight as is your family and your mother .. higher power was definitely working through you .. she's lucky she had you there ..
She's been sober before so she has experience with it.
Aloha and welcome to the board. Your Mom is a sick person and not a bad one. She is now two people...Your Mom and Your Alcoholic Mom. Its a disease, not a moral issue and this is a progressive disease...always gets worse and never better. Blowing a .338 means she was close to the fatal discription of this disease which you did not Cause, cannot Control and will not Cure (the 3Cs of Al-Anon). What ever happens to/with her is and will be the consequence of her choices and one thing I learned was to allow my alcoholic/addict wife the diginity of the consequences of her choices. Having a sit down with her and telling her about your feelings and thought about the situation might help you unload/vent and nothing changes if nothing changes. If she doesn't seek a form of recovery than death, insanity, dui, loss of income are natural consequences of her disease.
Find the hotline number for Al-Anon in your area and call it and find out where and when we get together in your area and then come first thing you can. Keep coming back here also. (((((hugs)))))
The only experience I can share is that years ago my STBAX tried to have his alcoholic parents move in with us when my daughter was 2 at the time. They were going to be homeless because his s/dad had lost his job. They had no electricity for months during the summer it was a mess. They had knock down drag out fights. Nooooo WAY!!!
I absolutely said no. While that sounds extremely harsh, I had to think about my 2 year old daughter, the negative impact, I just couldn't deal with it. The drama that went with it .. I'm sure my spouse was furious with me and that was probably the beginning of the end in some respects. There was also a history as far as they moved in with him and his first wife and it was all over but the shouting by the time that ended.
What I did do was find out what their options were, I got phone numbers for homeless shelters and so on. While they lived at the homeless shelter there was no drinking and WOW that was a forced sobriety that they both resented. They wound up moving out of the homeless shelter and lived in what I call motel hell for a while they decided to stop drinking for a time. It worked out great .. they got a lovely little house, s/dad had a good job could pay the bills. For a short time they were actually sober. Until s/dad got lung cancer and it was so far progressed he only lived a short time longer passed away and of course his mom started drinking the day he passed away. Her health is awful honestly it's probably a good thing that my STBAX is living there right now. She shouldn't be alone in terms of she's not drunk drunk however she drinks.
I agree with her choices, you can have a sit down with her and say this is not ok. I have a girlfriend of mine that after I had this situation with my inlaws had her mother living with her and moved her out because it just wasn't working out. After watching what I went through decided she had enough and did have the sit down with her. It wasn't pretty however I'd say they have a pretty good relationship at this point. Mom still drinks and my friend accepts that is her choice to do so .. she can't do so and live at her home. It is not easy to walk that path when it comes to a parent.
Alanon is what has helped me realize that even in that chaos I made a good choice in not having the inlaws move in and I am not sorry for those decisions during that time.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thank you so much for your kind words. I will look up the al anon number and call today. I hope she can understand why I can't have her here if she is drinking. She did get up and go to work today so I don't know if or when she will be back. She needs help and I hope she can see that, at least to some point. This morning I am still furious and upset. I will have to work through some of that before I talk to her as I don't want to say anything wrong. I just can't physically or emotionally care for her. Last night was my breaking point as I was already not in a good state of mind.
Well I was prepared for today. Until I found all my moms stuff gone. (didn't notice this morning.) So I have no idea where she went or what I should do. This almost made me just as mad. I get why she is running. Addicts do. but still.
It's her life and her choices. This is where alanon is your best outlet for help. I am so so so sorry you are going through this. In a world were everything was right and fair, you'd have a healthy mom who would be busy just living, being part of the family, and being grandma. How excruciatingly angering to be robbed of that by something as dumb as beer and liquor. Like I said in another post though. This disease is POWERFUL. You can only deal with what is on your plate (or on your side of the street as they say in meetings). Your mom can messy up her side of the street and it sounds like she is and will continue to. Pray for her and do your best to let it go, focus on you, and on your family. You have support here and will find it in face to face alanon too.
Thank you pinkchip. I know she makes her own choices as she is an adult. Her side of the street sure is messy and I'm going to do my best to keep my side clean. Its unfortunate that having a wonderful family and grandson who loves her unconditionally isn't something she can handle without drinking. (i don't know what is going through her head.) I am just going to try to move on with my life and get in a better place again. I know she will have to come to the house soon for her medication, phone charger and other things she will need.
I hope you can make it to Al-anon face to face meetings, they helped me understand so much about myself and my A's. Her leaving atleast kept you from having to make that hard decision. You will never know how an A thinks and thank god for that, but have compassion for her, it must be a terrible place to be in if she would do that to herself. No one person even your son will be enough to change her until she is ready. I am glad you found us here and keep coming back and be gentle with yourself. Sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
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