The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been having a hard time with myself. AH is doing what he does. But I can't seem to be happy anymore. I'm reading and turning to HP but the feeling of depression and sadness keep coming over me. I'm laying in bed while he sleeps next to me and I couldn't feel more alone if I were stranded in the desert.
I don't even enjoy being around him anymore and am embarrassed to always be 3rd wheel with my friends.
I'm picking up another book of self help as we speak to see if my HP will put word infront of my eyes that will help.
Thanks for listening friends MIP seems to be a life line for me right now.
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
That feeling of being alone is the worst for me. I can be with him in a crowd of people and I know I feel less alone because of the crowd, but not because of being with him. We don't even talk much anymore. When we were first married he called me "chatty Cathy" ( after that doll that talked) but I am that way with my friends now, but with him I don't want to talk. I got out with my volunteering and work. I try to stay busy and with other people. I can pick up a novel to read and get lost in that. I don't spend a lot of time with self help books anymore. Being happy is being out of the house and busy with something I enjoy.
It sounds like to me you're in the grieving process. There's an al-anon book called Opening our Hearts, Transforming our Losses. In the preface it reads:
This book is an exploration of issues that concerns everyone who has struggled with someone else's alcoholism. We experience loss from not having had the happy childhood we wanted, from a marriage that fell short of our hopes and dreams, or from the disappointments of other personal relationships that did not meet our expectations.
I was a bit surprised when I actually started reading it. It sat on my cupboard for quite a while, as it didn't look that appealing to me. Once I started though, it helped me a lot to understand what I was feeling.
