The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have read lots of books and have gotten good at detaching and living my life regardless of his choices. It seems he has taken this change in me as a chance to get worse ..(give an inch take a mile)
It stinks that I am married and go to all (even his side) of family functions, kids events, and holidays alone. He makes an excuse to stay away and do "his thing"
I never wanted to have a life that I spent with out a partner, but I cant even have my friends or my kids friends over to our home becasue you never know the frame of mind etc that will come in the door or be waiting in the house.
Due to medical conditions of my own and my job not having ins leaving and divorce isnt an option ... I feel "stuck" and I read and read... have been to therapist with and with out him. Only I will know when Ive had enough..well I know I have .. I cant afford the medical coverage ... i dont want to be a burden to my kids ... i always said they'll bury me before losing all they work for to try to take care of me...
OK PITI PARTY DELUXE !!
I tried to go online meetingyest. but couldnt get it to work on my computer and there arent face to face in my area .. so you guys are all I have... I thank you for your support and suggestions and prayers.. means so much knowing Im not alone !!
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
Keep getting to meetings, keep talking out loud about your thoughts to your social groups that you know you can trust, including your trusted friends, Al-Anon friends, sponsor and counselor. And by all means, keep giving it to your HP.
It's amazing to me the things that come to light when I'm willing to verbalize what's happening with people and give my fears over to my HP. I can't tell you how many solutions suddenly started to present themselves to me because I built up the courage to speak up and KEEP talking about it.
One day at a time, we don't have to know how things have to go, its not our job to know everything thats our HP's job, so try and relax and above all have faith about the future let your HP take care of that/ By praying meditating and coming on here and sharing you are opening yourself to new oppurtunities.
IN love and support.
Simone x
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
It's a bummer about the face 2 face meetings not being available. They are sometimes the miracle waiting to happen. i know how it is with sites we can't open; my computer isn't the best. but i usually have luck with www.stepchat.com . throwin it out here for ya should the desire to try again arise..
I know for me in my experience only. Alcoholism is always a progressive disease but a part of his getting worse .. in my experience only, for me i remember feeling the same and then later began to see it in a different light in that i'm not sure if he got worse ? or if as i began to get better, I began to see it more clearly ...
there are some situations that require a spiritual solution. even then it doesn't happen overnight .. alanon is not religious, it is a spiritual program however .. going to meetings it seems to be that even if one walks through the door without any form or belief of a higher power, the healing begins .. there is no advice given there, only experience and shares of our stories .. we usually begin to hear others share our own .. when they share their experience, we're free to share ours and we begin to get strength and hope.
If meetings aren't available; literature at least might help .. there is a blue how alanon works book that shares stories, etc .. it's been a great guide for me .. If you can't get to meetings, higher power knows this .. at least if you have the reads, maybe something will come..
what i'm thinking of is personal boundaries that keep us mentally and emotionally safer .. I'm thinking of family get togethers for christmas and other holidays .. what comes to mind is going to family gatherings without him .. ''his family ? Best I can say is keep coming and sharing .. we all need support and others to help us reason things through .. it took me some time to hit the meetings .. i've been going for near several years, but in the beginning i didn't hear anything .. i went for a month and left .. went back again and never left .. but i took a good year again before i was ready .. it wasn't easy walking through the doors or becoming willing, i fought it hard in the beginning .. turns out it's the best part of my life today ..
keep coming back and hopefully something will come of it .. you're in my thoughts and prayers .. I know it isn't an easy road; it can be very lonely .. & confusing, but it helps to know the confusion ? is normal ..
