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I am no longer w/ my AH of 30 years He has been sober for about 2 yrs.....our daughter is being married in 2013 and we are splitting the cost of the wedding. He has made 3 requests...to walk her down the aisle, to make a toast (he asked that she "trust" him to do that hummmm), and to do the father daughter dance. She was good with all that, except she said that she wanted both her father and I to walk her down the aisle . (this was news to me...) He was very upset with that, made a snarky comment about me "wearing a suit" She told me that was something she had always wanted..that it had nothing to do w/ the divorce, but more that she and I had always been close , while not so much w/ her father.
All about him...still and again.
My question..should I offer to pay for the entire wedding myself in order to remove this weight from her. She is a wonderful girl and she was upset by this..as was I. I am furious that he is not putting her first.
You could make that offer to her, but it's really about her wishes. Be careful in your attempts to not make it about him that you also do not make it about you. You don't know exactly how bothered she is. Were you there for the conversation she had with dad? A snarky comment is different than being a total jerk about something. Let it be your daughters choice. She has to have an ongoing relationship with her dad more than you. This is her battle. Lots of folks elope and what not because they don't want any parental imput. These are her decisions. Don't fret. Just my suggestions. Take or leave....
Hi Auntyaya. Wow, I think we are living mirrored lives- except my AH is still drinking. I am no longer with my AH of 30 years, my daughter is engaged and is getting married in October 2013. The other difference is that my soon-to-be ex is not contributing a dime towards the wedding (I've contributed as much as I can to the wedding costs as I can right now). Yet he still thinks he is entitled to everything- walking her down the aisle, toasting the couple at the reception, dancing with her for the first dance. He has not been in contact with her for months and bad mouths about her to her two sisters. The whole thing is really a quite a mess. I'm trying very hard to support my daughter while trying to stay on my side of the street. Very difficult to do! I'm also trying not to think too far ahead and hope that things will work out for all involved. This should be such a joyous time for my daughter and our family. Instead, we are faced with the unknown behavior of her alcoholic dad.
I took what Pinkchip said to heart....let her decide what to do. It boggles the mind that the people who have caused such havoc and sadness think they have "rights"....My plan is just let my daughter decide what she is comfortable with, and to support her. The people who are important know the depth of my relationship with her, and those that don't, don't matter. Really, all my XAH is doing is further hurting/alienating her...and my job, is to counter balance that. Good luck to you Green Eyes...and to your much loved daughter!
