The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When my AH started drinking many years ago, the fears, concerns, worries, enabling, checking up, following, nervousness, sleeplessness and anxiety became my way of life. Many meetings didn't change anything. I read the books - they made sense. I understand the whole theory of detachment, however, detachment doesn't equal a good, happy, healthy marriage. It made me feel even more separated and lonely. The key word probably is "healthy." There is no healthy in a marriage when a partner is an alcoholic. There is no normal. The other spouse becomes enmeshed in the sickness of the disease. It is a downward spiral for anyone living in its grips. I made a decision to stay and am living with the consequences. I look back and wonder what life would be like had I made other decisions. I feel a shadow of my former self. Not happy, no interest in anything. I read many posts on this board. For those of you wondering whether or not to get into a new relationship with an alcoholic - PLEASE, run the other way.
I am so sorry that you are in such pain You are right The disease of alcoholism affects all that it comes in contact with. Before alanon my former self was covered very deep down with the anger, resentment, self pity and fear of which you speak.
Using the alanon tools and working the Steps enabled me to see my part in the madness. Once I could see my part, I was able to make decisions based on realistic expectation of outcomes--- not the fantasy that I created in the past.
I am no longer the innocent little starry eyed romantic girl that denied reality and believed that I am all powerful and can make everything right. I know who I am and my limitations, I trust HP to direct my life and the life of my family and Let Go and Let GOD.
Today I have the gift of serenity, courage .and wisdom to live by and I am content.
