The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's interesting because I am in a situation in which I could completely utilize my will and I know doing this always works out so not fun. So I am very frustrated at the moment with the whole don't just do something sit there ideology. I'm ok with God sending a big lightening bolt and striking my STBAX on top of the head!!
I should say God delivered some amazing news through a very interesting source .. lol. I can't do anything with it yet and I don't know when I will be able to and it's sooooo hard NOT to say something.
I so need God's guidence in this and I really need some prayers as to what to do next. I am just sitting here waiting for things to unfold the way they need to. I might have bit myself in the butt on another situation .. however I feel like even that one is going to be ok.
I'm so tired of hearing about what I'm doing wrong from some significant people in my life. OR better yet why STBAX's behavior is ok? REALLY?? I can't do this I can't do that and all i can think is ummm who is telling STBAx that he can't do specific things like once again stop paying the court ordered support? Why do I have to bare the brunt of all this crap? It's costing me money (not in terms of lawyer fees) it's costing me in terms of late fees and banking fees. I have to have a phone especially since it's my only one. I'm not breaking a contract which will cost me on 3 phones. I dont' understand why I need to down grade my service so he can run me further into the hole?
I've got a whole lot of free will running around in my head and it's not all good to say the least.
Sorry .. LOL .. I had to get out my Monday morning whine .. now I feel better and I plan on having an amazing day!! It's not that hard to do really regardless of how topsy turvey things are .. life is actually pretty dang good. :)
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
You are in such a tough situation but you seem to be handling it with as much grace and strenght as anyone could. Stay your course, do what is best for you. It has been a hard lesson for me when I start getting opinions from everyone around me, sometimes I find I just have to tune them out and focus on what truly is best for me. You're a tough cookie P, hang in there, have a blessed day. Hugs and prayers, TS
((((Pushka))))....When I was going thru this stuff also I remember a time when the problems would clear by whatever means and when I remembered that my anxiety level dropped. "Time takes Time" was one slogan I didn't like when I was impatient; Let go and Let God when my expectations were not being met; Turn it over when my attempts to fix did not work. I remember learning that when I ask God for guidence I was to move out of the way between God and who or what I wanted help with. Trust trust...wait with patience...expect miracles and go on with my own responsibilities. You got Moxie sis...spread it around.
Well, some of it is done I am so glad and relieved at this point.
I've already filed a contempt of court (a week ago) and have a court date, he actually should know before the holidays that this is going on. How this is going to unfold I'm not sure this is almost to a "t" what he did in June. You know the old saying you keep doing what you are doing you are going to get what you got.
It was something I really didn't want to do. I started to file 4 weeks ago and put it off for some reason thinking he would come around .. well he hasn't and so that means he has left me no alternative except to do this. My atty was not happy with me I had put things off however it's ok. I think in many ways this is just going to be better for me. When in doubt don't .. and I did doubt .. now I don't .. now I can see this is the only way he's going to abide by anything the courts set before him. Honestly I don't even care if we go to court and the judge lowers the payments for him .. it's more about I need to know what I will receive vs what he chooses to give me. I think he will feel relief just knowing it comes out automatically.
I have to remember that I really am dealing with an addict. I don't know why I keep having to come to these situations to see that I am truly dealing with an addict of some kind. Sooo sad to sit and watch all of this. It makes me sad for him, sad for the kids, sad ... not so much for me though isn't that interesting? I look at where I was a year ago and I should be really sad and wow .. I'm just relieved. I'm relieved that I've come through this year with an amazing new knowledge, relived that I'm so much more than I thought, relived that I have a new outlook on life, relived that I no longer have to have my STBAX living in the house with me. I am relived to know push comes to shove I'm going to be ok, .. more relived to know the kids are going to be ok.
It's still not easy and I am still struggling .. struggling with program, struggling with money, struggling with my current situation .. I am relived to know that I am going to be ok. I may not be divorced until 2014 .. LOL .. I am actually thinking that it is ok at this point. I need to stay married if nothing else for benefits for myself. So that is way ok. At some point this will resolve itself and things will move forward in my life and the divorce will come. Something tells me if things do not go well in court he's going to be screaming that he wants the divorce finalized sooner than later.
Thanks for being here and walking with me, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I can really relate to the whole long process of separating from the now ex A. It took me a number of years really. There was a whole long year of winding up all the loose ends. During that time I had to be in touch with the now ex A. He continued to lie, manipulate and challenge. These days when I am around peope who are addicts I really do think every word they say is a lie and their lives are a huge symbol of irresponsibility. That is why being around them in any shape or form is very difficult.
I am in a place now where I can see an addict/alcoholic a lot more easily and can adapt my boundaries accordingly. But nevertheless I do deal with them on many levels, neighbors, colleagues at work and more. I know once I can acknowledge it that things get very much better for me. I do know its been 5 years for me since I left the ex A, 6 years next year and I am still recovering many many levels.
You know me always taking the crooked road. I dunno I gave up on my exH pretty quickly and just accepted to bear the full brunt of the burden. I'm happier for it, don't go to court anymore, don't contact my lawyer and it just motivated me to work harder. I stay away from his fence entirely, don't even look at the fence much less attempt to cross it. He's spiraling down, down, down into almost homelessness as I unfortunately am hearing from his aunt now (I really rather would not know).
What I do know is, I walked away from a fight and into a new life of pure freedom. But I'm a weird duck, I just don't care if he desires to be responsible for our kids. He will have to deal with his own thoughts and feelings over that. I can sleep well at night knowing I have done all I could for my boys and that is the best revenge ever - if revenge was even something I wanted.
The cost for not having that fight is worth it to me.
I wish you well I do hope you are able to get the things you certainly DO deserve. I always hope to see someone make a difference like that and I'm rooting for you :)
