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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I Don't Want to Believe Like That
Post Info TOPIC: I Don't Want to Believe Like That
hotrod


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I Don't Want to Believe Like That
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Thank You Temple for your honest, thoughtful share.  I too spent a long long time pretending and not wanting to" believe like that". My what a precious child! I tried everything to make my world the way "I wanted it"  and my pretend fantasy real.  Finally when I had no where else to go I found alanon and stayed. 

Alanon was such a powerful oasis  No one said GO -Leave -Stay they simply  assured me that "I could be  happy even  if the alcoholic was drinking or not. " I had to work the program, focus on myself, stop making my hubby my Higher Power and keep coming back.

The breaking of the isolation caused by this disease by attending meetings really felt like a miracle.    Using the slogans, calling members when i was lost, working the Steps all brought me out of the forest into a place of light 

 I still get fearful at times however I now have a Higher Powr that I trust and can turn to in times of stress

Please continue to take good care of yourself  You are worth it.  Enjoy your tripsmile 



-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 8th of November 2012 02:51:36 PM

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Betty

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Temple


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My daughter was five, in morning kindergarten so she could still get her afternoon nap, and I was invested in getting her to bed early enough for her to be well rested the next morning.  And she was a little master at delaying tactics.

One night she had lost a tooth and we were putting it under the pillow for the tooth fairy.  And she got very much sideways because she didn't want the tooth fairy to take her tooth.  This went on for quite a while.  Finally, I said, "Look, Mommy and Daddy are the tooth fairy and we always save your teeth in a little box and they don't get taken away at all."

She stopped her tears and said, "I don't want to believe that way."

I can get lost not wanting to believe that way.  I don't want to believe that I got myself in this mess.  And I don't want to believe that when I woke up and realized, finally, because he was a binger and atypical and I hadn't seen it, that yes, he really was an alcoholic, and I asked him if he were going to continue to drink because I needed to plan my life and he quit cold turkey and I thought that the problem was solved but it wasn't and I should have taken that energy and determination and left when I was young and spunky but I was ignorant as well, and somewhere I lost the main thesis of that sentence but it's all in English and if you are still with me I think you know what I mean.

And I don't want to believe that while there have been some easier than normal years, it hasn't been normal.  It's been abusive and crazy and now when I can afford to leave financially I am afraid.  

The good news is, I don't have to do it or even decide today.  I can just keep working on my health and independence and my psyche.  I am going on a wonderful trip with my grandson and it is such a boost for me.  It is for DDH, too.  I think he feels good about himself for telling me I can go and I can have it just as I want. 

And I am not beating myself up for not leaving sooner.  And I am gentle with myself because I am still here while I get it together.  And every bit of mental effort that goes into me and what I need and what I am going to do takes that much energy out of my thinking about him and what he is going to do or not do.  He and his behavior aren't even the problem.  It is me--and my choices and my fears and my not thinking highly enough of myself to require the right kind of treatment from life. 

And I can do better.  And some days I still don't want to believe like that.

 



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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread.  --Gray Charles

 
Tasha


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Awe, sweet post : )

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Jerry F


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I love Templisms...Mahalo...Smile    ((((hugs)))) smile



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Debilyn


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Oh very good! I am willing to bet when you do step away and out,you will not go back. You are working on really being ready! hugs,debilyn



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Pushka


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Hugs Temple,

Sending love and support, P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Temple


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Thank you all so very much.
The love on here is palpable.

((((((((MIP))))))))

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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread.  --Gray Charles

 
Breakingfree


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Awesome share that I needed today!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

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Maxine12stepper


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Brilliant share, thank you so much, Really got me thinking, how al anon has really helped me too, thank god for my new tool box,

thanks again Temple, you made me smile today xxxx

big love comin' atcha'

Maxine xxxxx

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Maxine Jones
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