The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Have you talked with your sponsor Jim? The question my sponsor always asks is, where do you think you are in the steps with this? because the solution is in working the steps. I get a hint of life feeling "unmanageable" for you. That is often how I recognize I am in step one
the next step is turning to Higher power, coming to believe that Higher power can restore me. I ask for help. I let Higher power know I am willing to see this differently.
When I feel quiet and confident, I feel the connection with my Higher power. and when I am NOT, the goal is to get connected. It comes first because I was told that all other things... the job.... the relationships, etc. etc will fall into place once the spiritual in ME is straightened out.
When I read your first post, I remembered an old routine of going to work, it became a time of prayer for me and sometimes I phoned my sponsor because she always leads me back. the personality change comes from working the steps, I never have to "do" anything more, I can't change myself. And I wouldn't want to try that anymore, that's how I got here in the first place, on my own power, forcing my own solutions, that is precisely what I want to surrender. Relying on self did not work for me, it's time for me to practice something different....
I was taught, the steps work to remove the junk so that what remains is just a clear channel for Higher power to use. Could we ever shine more brightly than that?!!! That is why I keep coming back, I want what the old-timers have, a genuine sparkle.
Like you, I came from an alcoholic family so I grew up with a shaky foundation. All of that had to come crashing down. today I have been give the solution and guidance to build something real and solid and strong in its place. If you think about it, Jim, it's a miracle that we ever survived an alcoholic home and found our way to al-anon. That tells me, the universe is in full support, we have been saved for a reason. for me, that gives life a beautiful purpose. things can't change overnight, building something strong and solid will take time. One day at a time, we let God work out his perfect plan in God's own perfect timing. All we have to do it suit up and show up with willingness. that's it. God will do the rest, God supplies the power.
You are okay, my friend, you are enough. make a note on paper, "ACCEPTABLE AS-IS" with a big heart around it, put it where you will see it often. that's a message from Higher power ((hugs))
-- Edited by glad lee on Tuesday 6th of November 2012 02:21:10 PM
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Good morning, I am writing this from my phone on the commute to work. I am really struggling right now with my routine. I am getting very impatient with the progress of certain things and am having a hard time judt letting it go. There are certain things I want out of my life and continually doing the same stuff will get me the same results. I feel like I have no help. I am tired of my role. I want more. I want a change. I am tired of being the guy noone expects abything out of. My higher power has always been there when it's counted but I am fed up of waiting. But I have to. When I take all matters into my own hands, it blows up in my face. Thank You. Felt like ranting :)
Jim, t's on ongoing struggle to let go of the things we can't control and change the things we can....The wisdom to know the difference? I just hope to have that...
There are some things you can consciously do to change your life. Letting go and letting God does not mean you take no action when needed. If you want to step up your dating life, you have to put yourself out there more. Holding on to the same fears and insecurities is going to get you nowhere.
As far as being the guy nobody expects anything out of....That sounds like it's mostly in your perception. Maybe you are tired of being mild mannered? Tired of putting your needs behind others'. Maybe you want to act more assertively, but that sounds like something you have been working on for a while.
Little by little you will change to be the person your HP wants and the person you want to be also. Let go of your fears and take positive risks.
Thanks pinkchip,
This isn't necessarily about dating, but just more the notion of not having a role in certain aspects of my life. At work I have a role, at al-anon I have a role. People notice if I don't show up at those places.
Growing up in an alcoholic home, I felt very neglected. Like just another face in a sea of everyone else's lives you know? This behaviour has transfered to my adult life. I just want to be noticed and seen in a positive light. I need to be affirmed this. How healthy is that?
Glad Lee made some good points. I talk a lot about taking action but when I look back on how things evolved for me, it was a painful process that took years of 12 step work, meetings, and working with my sponsor. It didn't happen overnight but it happened (and I am still learning to change as I grow older and life changes for me). I think I oversimplified. It's easy to say "You don't like the person you are? Change." I forgot how long and how difficult that process was and also how much my HP miraculously stepped in and worked these changes that I have no idea how they happened. THAT is what I wish for you. If you have faith and do the work, I am confident it will happen also.
