"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I need help

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Cathy

As you have experienced, alcoholism is a powerful disease over which we are powerless. I am glad that you have found alanon and that your counselor is suggesting that you continue. I too could not stay in the rooms of alanon until I had hit my bottom and had no other choices then . I finally decided to stay in the rooms and learn the new tools that could save MY LIFE..

.

I too have enabled a son with this disease and do know the pain and despair that you have experienced.

Please continue attending meetings, pick up some helpful tools such as: Learn to Live one Day at a Time, Focused on Yourself, Attending Meetings, Reading Alanon Literature each day, sharing your pain and I believe that you will begin to find different solutions to these difficult situations.

Please keep coming here and sharing There is hope for you.

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

http://alanon.activeboard.com/t43783465/tough-love/

Hi Cathy - I copied an old post of mine, offering a bit of experience on the subject, but I would encourage you to find the answers that work best for you, and for your son.... One book that might help - "Getting YOur Children Sober", written by Toby Rice Drews.... her books helped me tremendously. We all want to "save" our A's - whether they are our children, spouses, parents, etc....

Tough stuff, for sure, but like Betty says - I would encourage you to keep working YOUR program, and the answers - for you - will become more clear.

Take care

Tom

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

Good for you, coming here to write all that out and get those thoughts out of your head circulating round and around, now you can see what's going on.... despite all you've done, you can see you do NOT have the power to fix or help him or change him, you are powerless like the rest of us. Doesn't it feel better to know you're not alone?? never have to do this alone again.

I had to be screaming in pain before I was willing to hear the message and stick with meetings, we have to hit a bottom too. I had to admit what I had been doing was NOT working and be willing to practice something different...

I had perceived detachment as abandonment too. Later it occurred to me that I had abandoned myself, I had harmed myself emotionally, spiritually, financially and physically. There's no power in any of that, it was just choosing to go down with a sinking ship. The universe lovingly sent people pointing the way and finally I got it and reached out for help for ME. Like you, there was such resistance, my thinking told me I was better, smarter, more special, I was an exception.... my disease was in full control. that's why I couldn't get well and feel better, my thinking disease.

Al-anon gives us the tools to cope with alcoholism, it's like striking gold to me. You'll go back when you're sick and tired of BEING sick and tired, my friend, they'll leave the Light on for you ((hugs))

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

the statement that finally clued me in to what harm my enabling was doing , was that when I *fixed * things for him I was actually helping him drink !!! and to say the least that really ticked me off , one AA member went so far as to suggest that I just go buy his booze for him. duh If you have our ODAT read page on July 14th that page changed my life . Louise

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you all for the wonderful and loving coments. I just starting crying.....and at work no less . I have 3 Al-anon meetings in my area on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thurday. I will go and get informed to help me. So sad I am right now that my son is dying and I can't do a thing about it. I can only pray to God for his help. It's hard to except

(( Hugh Hugs to all )

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Wow....this is great. Just typing here has brought my anxiety down. I need more of this. I have read your post Tom " Tough Love " . I also happen to have ODAT sitting on my desk Louise so I went to July 14 and both text has made me think.

Thank you so much hotrod, glad lee, abbyal and canadianguy. For you guys to be so helpful and loving so fast really makes me feel there is help for me. Off to Al-anon tomorrow.

Will post my progress if you don't mind :)

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Keep coming back because this is how we keep each other sane and serene. It is also what HP wants of us...mutual love and support. ((((hugs)))) smile

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

There are also meetings here twice a day as well as a chat room you can go to. One book I am sure you have found mentioned in so many posts is Getting them Sober by Toby Rice Drew. Ireally recommend that book there is a website too.

I do agree that an alcoholics/addicts behavior can be cunning, baffling and difficult to comprehend. The thing for me is to stop tryign to work it all out and accept it as it is. Of course that isnt something that one can do on one's own but I do find detachment is the only way to go with the kind of self destructive behavior that leads to homelessness and more.

There are many many tools in al anon that can help you with your current situation. Embracing the three C's. We didnt' cause it, can't control it and most of all can't cure it. Detaching is an act of love for ourselves. Above all destoryign ourselves in worry, resentment and anger is not going to "move" the alcoholic to change. Learning how to care for ourselves in the midst of such turmoil is a really hard task but one that is possible and allowing others to know where we are and what is going on for us is so key. I am glad you are reaching out.

Maresie.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"