The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I relate to words falling out of my mouth. and the obsessing.
I'm glad you didn't get off work, sorry. but the way I see it, the better plan is that you be at work. If you got to stay home, you'd still be obsessing. (I have lots of experience here too.) The universe knew that the more gentle path for you today is to get some distance from your obsession - her. you have suffered enough.
There are great readings on obsession in our literature, take a look. The goal is to watch our thinking because while the alcoholic may have a drinking problem, ours is a thinking problem. If your mind was busy saying the serenity prayer or focusing on and judging your OWN recovery, you'd be in a totally different frame of mind. there is plenty of work to be done in practicing our willingness to change, it is hard work.
So that is our goal, to take the alcoholic out from under our magic magnifying glass and putting it on ourselves. Every time we're judging someone else, we are practicing the disease, we're the sick one putting ourselves in the god position. when I point my finger at others, there are 3 pointing back at me. when I want someone else to change, I gotta do it first.
Another suggestion is to read all you can about Step one and powerlessness, better for me to wrap my head around the solution, rather than holding onto the belief that I could "fix" this thing. that thinking gave me an emotional hang-over too.
-- Edited by glad lee on Monday 29th of October 2012 11:25:12 AM
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
We went camping with our grandson. The wife only drank one bottle of wine (half Friday night and the other half Saturday afternoon). I consider that a small victory. We have started to have some money issues due to the economy and a little reckless spending on her part. Friday night I just told her that I couldn't take all of it anymore and I was just exhausted. I probably should've kept my mouth shut I feel like but just couldn't hold it in any longer. She said she would try to do better. She said she had been doing better with the drinking and I should've probably left it at that but told her about the mini wine bottles I saw in the trash last week. As soon as it came out I almost literally tried to pull the words back in from the air. She said she was cleaning out some stuff and found them (don't believe that) and I replied ok that I was not counting bottles and that is her deal. I told her again I was working on me and not her in my meetings but it was not an easy task. We left camping early (Saturday evening) due to the impending hurricane coming and Sunday I didn't notice her drinking anything (didn't go on the hunt, but wasn't any obvious).
I still feel exhausted and was trying to take today off from work, which was denied...
Aloha Brother...Glad's reply was what I was taught...my obsession and addiction of the alcoholic/addict while I fixated and judged hers. There is a page in the ODATT daily reader that stays with me from the very first time I read it that says in part. "I said that I would do anything too help the alcoholic...except get off of her back". It made me envision sitting on my sick wife's shoulders...all 200 pounds plus of me and cracking the recovery whip. In reality...truthfully...it was I who sent her back out.
Keep on keeping on...you're getting closer to letting go and detaching...the more tired and weary you get at holding up the weight of it gets you closer to dropping the bar. I'm with you in support.
