Hi - Al-Anon Family Group

InspiredPhotography · Senior Member

Hi

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm so sorry.

What about just going to the dinner on your own?

It sounds as if an Al-Anon meeting would be a good support right now. Do you have a sponsor? Whenever we're having trouble with the weights life throws at us, we need to up our support. It's undoubtedly a realistic expectation that your A has nothing to give right now, but that doesn't mean that you need any less.

Keep on taking good care of yourself.

InspiredPhotography · Senior Member

Mattie, I wanted to. I don't drive. I can't. I have health condition that doesn't allow me to. I told him we could just even go a little later and he can pick it up right at the curb (if he didn't want to see anyone). Nope. He wouldn't have anything of it. So basically I was stuck.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Perhaps take a taxi or ask your friends to get you. I'm only making these points because it saddens me that you would need to be dependent on him to have a social life. You are right in your assumption that he is not going to have much to give for a while. AA meetings don't take a lot out of a person. Being in early sobriety means he has little to give to begin with. Do your best to reach out and make social contacts apart from him. It will give you options for when you feel he isn't meeting your needs....ie, get them met from friends and family.

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

I'm sorry you had a rough day and are disappointed about dinner tonight. If nothing else, please give yourself lots of nurturing after a hard day. If he's out at a meeting, maybe light a candle on the table for just you and invite hp. It's good he's in AA. He's going to act like a dufus for awhile, he's not use to thinking about anybody but himself but hopefully as his brain unscrambles and he works his program, he'll be more thoughtful. He's lucky to have you. You're a loving person to consider how being new to AA is affecting him especially after your disappointment at the doctors. You really do deserve a big (((((hug)))))) in fact two (((((hug))))))).

It would be good if you made some plans for yourself when he is going to be at AA and even when he isn't. I think pinkchip made great points about that. I hope you get a good night's rest and things and you feel a little better tomorrow. Thanks for sharing your day. TT

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Well of course you needed his support about your skin condition. I do know from my experience, no matter what his being sick was so much worse than me, his being tired was so much more tired, uno what I mean?

They tend to not be very compassionate unless they learn to be.

Ok you have you looked online for a support group for the skin condition you have? It is not on your face right? So for now, just in case, for your own comfort, maybe start researching makeup that is light that will cover it for you. There are so many new kinds just for that.

Plus a support group who has real experience will surely share what they have tried. There are probably colors that bring it out more so you could find out about that.

I do know too with most men, we have to be specific. Maybe you could simply tell him you are scared about this condition and need him to stay close to you, or whatever it is you need.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. hugs,debilyn

InspiredPhotography · Senior Member

Thanks everyone. I usually do get my friends to come get it. We make plans a lot without him involved. Just sometimes they can't always. Which I understand. I live in the country. About a 20 minute drive there & back. I usually host many dinners & gatherings here. Sometimes I'm just exhausted. I will research. Just I feel so tired at this point. I'm so angry. I'm hurt. I'm feeling helpless. I feel like he isn't lucky to have me at all. I'm just another "thing," to him. He came home lastnight while I was soaking in the bath. I was trying to relieve the itch & relax (with my Hp). I feel pounding on the locked bathroom door. He yells at me for a) having a second bath b) because I didn't use the shampoo with medicine in it again. Suppose to use it only once a day. I already did that when I came home from the drs. He yelled at me to use the rub! But whatever it's your body (in a jerk off way)! I'm just tired. Exhausted. I have a gathering tmw & absolutely no energy or anything to give. I just want to stay in bed. Then I went to bed early & he wakes me up telling & getting mad I move too much. So off to another bed I go. :,( Thing that gets me is I want to help. I don't want to be someone's punching bag verbally. He feels I pitty him when I show him affection! Wow! I care. It's love not pitty!! He is so warped in this thinking. He tells me lastnight that people go for AA meeting for ten years and they are still angry. They have lost family & damaged their children (emotionally). He is like so if you don't want this then find someone else. (Again in a jerkoff demeanor). I'm dealing with my own crap. My own grief, my fears about my health & being there 100% for my kids. If anyone should be pissed off ...it's me! I have deal with a crap life..all my life. I have no family. My friends...I couldn't put them on them. They don't even know about his issue. I keep it so well hidden..so does he. Sorry for the long post. Hard to be all positive when everything is like a tornado around you. Worse is I can't tell anyone. They wouldn't understand. I would love to have a sponsor ...but I don't even feel worthy of that either. I just feel dead inside.

hdftby100 · Senior Member

Get to a meeting if you can. You may not feel great after but I think you will feel better. Leaning on others in Al-Anon sometimes is what it is all about to me. We are not alone. Just like I have had to lean on others (some on here) and am so greatful for their strength, you will too. It also allows you to be there for someone else maybe down the road when they need it. I know sometimes it helps me when I am able to be there for someone else. Hang in there and keep coming back!

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

"Dead inside" is EXACTLY what I felt before doing the 12 steps with a sponsor. Wishing you find the right person. Keep reaching out. You have a lot of things you are powerless over right now. Hence, it will help you to take action in the form of eliciting help from friends. Not sure why you feel you have to hide your skin problem from friends. I can't think of anything that shameful that you wouldn't tell people that love you... I've had many "embarrassing" things. And yes, I did cry and wind up going to a clinic with my sponsor to get those embarrassing things addressed by a doctor. Whatever you have, it doesn't mean that you are not an awesome and beautiful person. Same things with however your partner treats you...You are still a beautiful person. Believe it.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

MIP has meeting twice a day right on your computer and for now that might be what can help a bit. I read your post and I remember what it was like for me being married to an alcoholic/addict and also being a child from within this disease. I remember coming to Al-Anon and learning a different way of living, not because of them or it and because I need to know that it was available and that I wouldn't have to be stuck in the same old thinking, feeling and acting I was use to. I came to understand that quite often my problem wasn't the picture, it was how I perceived it. Thanks to a great sponsor I learned a ton more about perception. Try the cyber meetings here and see how that comes out for you..."Chat room"...((((hugs)))) smile

InspiredPhotography · Senior Member

I want to find a great sponsor that's matches me. Would be great. I want to tell my friends about my skin/my relationship stuff but I just feel so broken & embarrassed. Their relationships are AOL fine & wonderful. They really never had to deal with studs I have had to. For them to understand wouldn't be the same. I don't want judgement. I want love. Heck even some nice tight hugs would be wonderful right now :( I am even scared of posting here. Like if you tell people they keep track. They judge & then they just don't want to be around you. Everyone says oh wow you have (your S/O) he is so great. All I can think in my mind is I'm sinking :( He is great for brief periods. Then he goes down. I am scared no one will fully understand me to the capacity of how I feel. It's not just the behavior, it's everything. Yet I feel angry because I have allowed myself to feel this weak. Mind over matter. Think positive. I know. I'm trying. I'm feeling so trapped & dead. Like I want to die. Stop this revolving pain door. Stop the roller coasters, stop having to piece up the millions of pieces! Why can't someone just it for me? I never had anyone kissing my bo-bo's when I was a kid. Or when I was bullied at school no one was in my corner. I had to make myself ok. I'm just tired. Feel like this is my bottom of the barrel. It's a sickly feeling. Like I am so fragile that if someone blew a breath - I'd shatter or be knocked over. I told my S/O I usually handle everything but eventually you run out. I still have that dinner tomorrow. I am in tears. I really want to be somewhere far away. I don't want to see anyone. :(

Path to Serenity · Senior Member

{{{{HUGS}}}}

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Inspired

I am glad you shared In alanon I learned not to compare my insides with everyone's outsides. I must remember my outsides always looked great when inside I too was dead inside. Being honest sharing here is a great step

Keep showing up for yourself

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.