My sister is an alcholic. She calls me on the phone 4 to 8 times a day. Today, I couldn't take one more phone call of listening to her slurring words; I told her that I loved her very much, but not to call me until she was sober, and I hung up. I have not done this before because I feel so bad for her and her situation, and now the guilt is making me nuts. Any help on how to handle this better would be much appreciated.

Thanks.

I feel bad for people still sick and suffering from alcoholism. My natural instinct now when I encounter them though is to pray for them and try and get away from them. Nothing you do or say will help her when she is actively drinking (or drunk). Waiting until she is sober to talk is a good idea and a good boundary for you to have. A drunk person will over react to what you are saying and maybe not even remember it.

Not sure why you feel guilty. I guess there are some unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves about what whe "should" do for family. My sisters backed off me and my craziness while I was in the midst of my worst alcoholism and messed up relationships with other alcoholics. I'm hearing now how concerned they were but I never expected that they should have to be responsible for me or that it was their obligation to listen to me while I was wasted.

I called my parents wasted a few times and really regretted it. I wish they had not picked up the phone.

Just remember the 3 C's which are that you did not Cause her alcoholism, cannot control it, and cannot cure it. It's terrible that she suffers from alcoholism, but your pity is not going to make her any better. You made a statement of belief in her by hanging up. At least that conveys that you believe she can stop drinking long enough to sober up (temporarily at least) and carry on a more normal conversation with you.

Be true to yourself. Your needs come first!

Just remember, she probably doesn't feel bad for intruding and putting you through that. You weren't mean to her, you didn't hurt her - you put up a boundary to protect yourself. You deserve to take care of yourself, you are allowed to treat yourself as good as or better than those around you.

It's hard, we are so accustomed to worrying about everyone else's feelings and ignoring our own that it feels "bad". You did great now the hard part is to mean what you say. Maybe a couple more times answer and remind her immediately "I love you sis but you need to be sober when you call me". Then let it go. She can leave you a message telling you she's sober - and you'll know.

Take care.

My son is a "drunk dialer" and calls whenever he is wasted with his sad sob stories about his life and how stressing it is. Japan is 11 hours ahead of our time so if my phone rings anytime in the afternoon I know it is way late where he is so he will be drunk. If not, he would be sleeping those hours. After checking the caller id I no longer answer his calls.

I felt more guilty after I answered and told him I could not talk to him drunk. It is so much better to just not answer the phone.