The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I agree Alanon slogan of Act and do not re act and Respond do not re act have enabled me to take an objective view of the situation and respond in a healthy positive manner .
The outcome may not have been what I expected but my side of the street was clear
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 22nd of October 2012 09:16:22 PM
So I'm starting to lose the perception of control. I call it perception cuz I know I never had control. But I want it so bad!!! there is a slogan or formula that I have mentioned before that goes like this E+R=O. E=Event, these can be anything in our lives. being the spouse of an acoholic the "event" is ussualy atributed to something involving drinking or the actions of an alcoholic. R=Response, this is how WE act in response to the "event". And O=outcome, the result of an event plus our response. So back to control, we have accepted that we cannot control the acoholic or their actions thus we have given up trying to control the "Event" but what we can control and have control of, is our "Response" by ussing the tools we have learned through Al-Anon, MIP and our HP Our "Response" starts to become productive and positive. This in reality gives us CONTROL over the "Outcome" So while we turn our lives over to our HP he has ways to return "control" to us. I CAN CONTROL THE OUTCOME BY CONTROLING MY RESPONSE. I don't know if this is a way to fight turning everything over to my HP or just away to convince myself that I still have some control? But today it is working for me.
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IF YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE, YOU WILL ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS GOT
I just love analyzers in the program...that formula will go on to help others and that is how its done. I learned it how hotrod learned it and someone discovered it before us. Thanks rellik...keep on keeping on and stay with your journey and the tools....meetings, home meeting, sponsor, steps, traditions, slogans, service and practice, practice, practice. (((hugs)))
Hmm.... I can "control" the outcome, by controlling my response?? That doesn't work for me.... That one still keeps me in the fallacy that I can control other things....
I DO agree with:
I can control MY perception of the outcome, by controlling my response.... OR
By controlling my response, it will influence how I react to, and accept, the outcome..... OR even
I can, in theory, have "some influence" on the outcome, by controlling my response to it....
Just my two cents
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
So while we turn our lives over to our HP he has ways to return "control" to us. I CAN CONTROL THE OUTCOME BY CONTROLING MY RESPONSE. I don't know if this is a way to fight turning everything over to my HP or just away to convince myself that I still have some control? ------------------------------------ Don't forget that we still have to do the footwork..... for example.
I heard a story about a man who was all ready for work and his daughter spilled milk accidentally at the breakfast table and he got milk on his clothes. His response was to yell at her and get mad and stomp up to change his clothes. The daughter is crying and upset and as a result she misses her bus. Then he has to take her to school and because he was rushing he went 10 over the speed limit and got stopped by the police.
He got the daughter to school, got himself to work late and got a ticket for speeding. Hmmmmmm. All because he couldn't just say, "okay, it was an accident that you spilled the milk. It's okay!" Instead his reaction got her reaction and he had another reaction ......and on and on.
We do the footwork by learning to act and not react to the alcoholic. We learn boundaries. We learn that bread is not at hardware stores so we lower our expectations. We learn that the HP is really in charge and we don't have to get into the fight. We can enjoy life and know we are in good hands.
I actually agree with you canadianguy. I still want TO CONTROL things. All of your alernative statements are true. But until I can honestly accept that I have NO CONTROL will any of it mean anything. This formula works anyway you want to look at it. If you accept you have no CONTROL then you accept that you have INFLUENCE instead. For me I am a control FREEK, so yes I still want it to equate out to some control.
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IF YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE, YOU WILL ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS GOT
