The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well tonight was the sixth night in a row my AW has not had a drink. With the exception of being in rehab it is the longest she has been without a drink in five years (since our son was born). I thought i would be happy, but i cant sleep and i dont feel happy. I dont feel excited. I feel more like i did the night before deployment or before a big exam. Like **** is just getting ready to rain down on me. Is this normal or am i just loosing my skills that i have learned in the last three months. I feel like since these last six days have been so great im starting to loose grasp.
-- Edited by glad lee on Monday 22nd of October 2012 12:33:22 PM
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IF YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE, YOU WILL ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS GOT
Didn't want to read and run without replying. When I read your post I thought how I am when things are going good, I want to do the what if..(fill the blanks). Its like I cant expect things to go well and stay well. its my way of trying to protect myself, think the worst then I won't get dissapointed.
This is just my opinion but maybe your trying to hold on too tight or maybe take back from your hp what you gave him and that can cause anxiety? It does in me I play tug of war with my God.
When i feel like im losing my serenity I know I have to do the work, prayer, reading litrature, get to meetings if i can. Let go and let god....scary I know!!
You sound like you have been working a good programme and maybe its re-adjusting to having aw that brings back thats bring insecurities?
Your in my thoughts
Love Simone
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
It's only human to feel invested in outcome, you're sharing a life with one another, you have hopes and dreams. This board can be a great program tool for continuing recovery and receiving encouragement and support. There's nothing wrong with cautious optimism. Whatever happens, she's been successful in staying sober for an amount of time. That's hers to keep. She earned it with the help of her higher power. The journey in our respective programs is a day at a time. Time is never going to resolve the disease of alcoholism unless a cure is found in this lifetime. In my own experience as a newcomer I expected happily ever after from someone who could barely hold it together physically and emotionally in new sobriety. I was already in the future, had all these plans for happiness. I was witnessing nothing less than a miracle but I wasn't able to see it as that and I couldn't stay present for it. I think lots of beginners Alanon meetings may have helped me then where the focus is the first three steps. Thanks for your share. Keep coming back for recovery with us. I hope you enjoy your day. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I know easier said then done but take the small victories. One day at a time. Just stay mentally prepared. I have tried to do this after yesterday. The wife and I went to Busch Gardens all day and she didn't have anything to drink (course mostly beer there and she can't drink beer, makes her sick because of the carbonation.) There was one point we walked by a drink stand and they were serving wine and mixed drinks. It was literally like running into "the enemy" there as I could almost sense her looking over. Course that may just be my imagination. Anyways she didn't get anything but I was quickly in my mind doing my best to just act like it was nothing if she said she was gonna get a drink.
My AH has accused me of looking at him suspiciously when we walk past the beer aisle in the grocery store or that I look at him with disgust every time a TV ad comes on for alcohol. I know I don't do it, but the fact that he said it makes me think about it. I think you're still in the 'focusing on the alcoholic phase' and I think it's also very easy for us to get caught up in the what if's. I am an expert in what if, just ask me, LOL!
Taking the focus off of them is hard at first, because detaching is the first step. Well, I felt that detaching meant literally pulling out of the relationship and I couldn't find a middle ground. It's different for everyone but it's important to remember that putting yourself first is a good first move. The first step of the 12 steps says that our lives became unmanageable and that we are powerless over alcohol. Yet, we are also powerless over anything that is not US. We can only control ourselves and I think that's hard enough work as it is. You're doing great, sending you lots of support today!
This is a difficult area for me, to trust. I'm learning to just be open about it so it doesn't eat me. Talk to people about it. To me it feels like a trust issue but also a control issue. I will feel safer if I have a way to make certain the other person won't drink (or insert other behavior). Waiting for the shoe to drop is how I relate it. Detachment is the key, and as long as I find myself back in that place, I know I have a lot of work to do.
She will either choose to not drink another day, or not. What are you going to do? One day at a time works for us as well. Rejoice today because for now she's sober. Enjoy it because if she changes her mind and drinks tomorrow, instead of enjoying the sober days you had, you were stuck waiting for her to relapse and not enjoying the gift.
But I do completely identify with your feelings and find myself doing the same.
