You dont know what a judge will do...Take it one day at a time. You do have choices even if you don't see them. First off. Take a deep breath. You and your child are safe now? That is top priority. It seems like the world is crumbling, but it's really just your alcoholic husband's world crumbling. You are strong. You have been taking care of your child and yourself with very little help for a long time now.

You are not weak. You are going to be okay. Yes it is true that you are being treated disrespectfully. Your husband should not be acting this way in a marriage and as a father. He sounds like a sick alcoholic and you are not alone in going through this. You don't have to have this all figured out at the moment. First thing is to take care of you and your child. Part of that involves getting to Alanon meetings (even if they are the online ones here)...

Thank u pinkchip. We are safe. Actuay enjoyed last night...my mom came over. It was stress free as he wasnt here. I do know whete he is...i called. Just verified he was safe and hung up. I put no boundaries on him...i live around him. Hes too inv w alc to be successful w boundaries. Hes never had a dwi, been arrested etc, so a judge would grant shared cust or at least visits. Id lose my time w my kid...thats all I care about.....her. My fear is for her...not him. Id like him to get arrested....maybe it would help. Btw....how do I attend mtg here....i cant seem to get to f2f..too busy...and alone. Thanks

You can set the tone for custody, yes you might have to share however as the disease takes over and it will the time will get less and less because the guilt becomes more and more. That has been my experience from my own past, granted my dad didn't drink he had other issues as far as a serial cheater. He couldn't face personal responsibility when it came to me.

I can't control what my stbax is going to do or not do as far as the kids, even with the courts. My situation is a tad different because he is dealing with the consequences of the DUI at this point. I find he resents the time he even has to spend with the kids so 8 days out of the month he gets them I think it literally translates into 88 hours an entire month that he's with the kids. That isn't a lot if you think about how many hours are in a month. So he picks them up at 330pm on a thursday, fixes dinner and then goes to sleep about 530pm and wakes up in time to take them home. If I am lucky he's done the youngests homework with him. It is really sad when a child brings home paperwork from school and says mom please, .. I don't trust dad to even look at what I've done can you just check it? Ditto on information as far as school conferences and so on they have both just stopped talking to him. As far as the weekends (every other weekend) he gets them games and movies and that's what they do during that time. So the time together is not quality time. It's really sad actually. My stbax never calls to talk to the kids, he can they have a cell phone they can talk to him on. He doesn't call to see how their day was, ask them anything about school during that week, if they are lucky he might remember to ask them about school when he sees them. He doesn't have to call he can text. Honestly, I have no problem with that the fact he doesn't is soooo on him. He's so sick; it's so sad. At least I do get a break from the daily responsibilities of being a mom. I am able to do a few things now that I couldn't before .. I can go out of town during those weekends. I can enjoy coffee with friends. Dinner, .. I can go to the movies with someone or alone if I want to. It is amazing to remember there is life outside of being a mom. While 88 hours isn't a lot of down time, .. it's a lot more than I ever got while we were married and I am grateful for the time. He does me a great favor when he takes the kids. I wish he would just interact with them more however .. his choice .. and it's sad because he's going to have to be the one to make amends if he ever gets sober.

The stress level for me outside of financial is soooo much less. I used to have financial, emotional, mental and physical stresses every single day while we were living together thank you God I don't have to deal with those now. At least not at the same time it's horrible to live life like that on a daily basis.

I remember being where you were at as far as not coming home, calling, begging please call, guilting, straight up doing the 3 M's as far as getting him to call. As a spouse I think I have a right to know where my other half is .. at the same time .. I can't control what he did while he was out of my sight .. obviously .. he has a DUI it sure didn't come up at a family meeting gee honey please .. getting a DUI sounds like a GREAT idea!!! By all means .. knock yourself out, it won't hurt the budget .. d'oh .. I don't remember that conversation at all.

Are you able to get to meetings? It's such a great help and it is such a great first step in taking care of you. Staying up all night waiting for someone to come home is not a way to live. I can remember him telling the kids one time that he slept on the couch and NOOOOO that was so not true. I wish I had said something now .. however I didn't .. on some level they were fully aware that something wasn't ok.

Hugs P :)

Keep coming back, .. you aren't alone.

Theoceancalls. I've been where you are and worse. It does not get better. It's ok to do what's right for you and your child. Do you wish for your child to grow up with this example of a marriage? If he disrespects you enough to stay out all night im here to tell you- he won't stop at that. He will disrespect you in many other horrible ways. It shows he doesn't care what you think because he "knows" you won't do anything about it. Let me tell you this. When I finally left my AH I was literally on deaths door from stress. I had to leave even though that meant giving up. Sometimes in life we are faced with having to give up because there is no other option. And after I left, my AH spiraled so out of control that there is no hope for him to have custody. He is in jail and headed for prison. But me and my kids are safe and not being sreessed by him. So you don't know the future. You just have to step out in faith that HP will protect you and your child and that he will make a better life for you.